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If Edgar Allan Poe Were A Teacher

It's National Poetry Month, which has us thinking about all things poetry. And naturally, when you start thinking about poetry, you start thinking about Edgar Allan Poe. And when you start thinking about Poe, you can't help but wonder what happened when Poe used his poetic talents in the classroom. By Nicole Leigh Shaw and Erin MacPherson.

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On the teacher appreciation pot luck:

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“There was much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust.”

On the recently deceased class pet:

“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends and where the other begins?”

“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends and where the other begins?”

On students who fall asleep in class:

“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night.”
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“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night.”

On this year’s graduating class:

“Where the good and the bad and the worst and the best have gone to their eternal rest.”
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“Where the good and the bad and the worst and the best have gone to their eternal rest.”

On how to tell parents their son is failing algebra:

“As a poet and as a mathematician, he would reason well; as a mere mathematician, he could not have reasoned at all.”
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“As a poet and as a mathematician, he would reason well; as a mere mathematician, he could not have reasoned at all.”

On what teachers tell students they do when they aren’t in school:

“There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told.”
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“There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told.”

On lost homework:

“I am above the weakness of seeking to establish a sequence of cause and effect between the disaster and the atrocity.”

“I am above the weakness of seeking to establish a sequence of cause and effect between the disaster and the atrocity.”

On the student art show:

“There is no exquisite beauty … without some strangeness in the proportion.”

“There is no exquisite beauty … without some strangeness in the proportion.”

On chaperoning the class trip:

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”
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“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”

On the third request to go to the bathroom within the last 20 minutes:

“Nevermore.”
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“Nevermore.”

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