50 Thoughts We Had Watching The "Fifty Shades Of Grey" Trailer

Mr. Grey will see you now. UH OH, UH OH, UH OH, OH NO NOVirgin Mobile

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1. I'm already a puddle and nothing's even happened.

2. Why is she so upset? Speak up, child.

3. That receptionist is terrifying. She's probably more sadistic than both of them.

4. Why isn't she helping her with that massive door?

5. Is she Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada?

6. JUST CUT TO GREY'S FACE ALREADY.

7. She's actually wearing that blue cerulean sweater that Meryl Streep rips Anne Hathaway for wearing.

8. Grey's suit is, like, the perfect grey. They chose a really good grey for Mr. Grey.

9. She's got her hair tied back too. TROPE ALERT.

10. Where's her tape recorder?

11. It's like Anne Hathaway went to the Kristen Stewart School of Acting. (I don't mind it.)

12. OMG look at his HANDS.

13. "Do you have any interests outside of work?" LOL ;)

14. There would be a winky emoticon after basically every sentence in this script.

15. Have we really not seen his face yet? Is that a thing in this thing?

16. She's infinitely less annoying than she is in the book.

17. How many objects in this office has he had sex on?

18. That brown, wooden ball looks like a place to have sex.

19. I feel like a sex version of "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" should be playing.

20. OMG. He's flawless. No complaints.

21. He could be a little older and his jaw slightly more chiseled. But seriously I'm fine with this.

22. She's got her hair down now. [cue complete demeanor change]

23. "Must be really boring…" Is that their tagline?

24. Am I really boring? Should I be having more eye-sex like this? Probably not.

25. This comes out on Valentine's Day? My mom will be thrilled.

26. OMG the elevator scene. That's everyone's dream, right?

27. YAAASS BEYONCÉ!

28. Why did we wait over a minute to hear "Crazy in Love"?

29. This is like Beyoncé on Quaaludes, and I. Am. Loving. It.

30. Wait… why are they in a bedroom? Isn't a sex dungeon the whole point of this?

31. Ohh, here it is. All that satin — I bet the cleanup isn't even worth it.

32. Inner thigh grab! Inner thigh grab!

33. HOLD UP! I forgot Rita Ora was in this. Lololol.

34. "Enlighten me then…" OH HE'S GONNA!

35. Have you seen Enlightened? Laura Dern is great.

36. She should be in this movie. or every movie.

37. Yes. Yes. Here's the S&M.

38. Those sex toys don't look intimidating enough.

39. But like… she's braver than me.

40. There's supposed to be, like, a wall of flogs.

41. I literally can't handle this sex version of Beyoncé.

42. Is there not a sex version of Beyoncé?

43. I wonder if Beyoncé and Jay Z have a sex room. Probably.

44. I wonder what Jay Z's sex face looks like.

45. EXHALE. WE ALL EXHALE.

46. This needs more inner-goddess monologue.

47. The inner goddess is not pleased with the trailer.

48. Does anyone remember that this is not a romantic movie?

49. I want to see the red band trailer. Now.

50. UH OH, UH OH, UH OH, OH NO NO.

Your plan should be pleasurable, not painful. XOXO — Virgin Mobile