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Homosexual Proclivities of the Animal Kingdom

In honour of the new gay swan couple at the world's only swannery, a quick look at the more "alternatively lifestyled" species of the animal kingdom. From gay gray whale orgies to monogamous lesbian snow monkeys, the animal kingdom is rife with homosexual antics. Kinda blows the "against nature" argument out of the water.

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  • 1. Black Swans

    20% of all pairings are homosexual couples, with a quarter of all black swan families parented by homosexual couples that remain together for years. Male couples occasionally use the services of a female by mating with her, but chase her away once she has laid her eggs, hatching the eggs themselves. Other times, they simply drive heterosexual couples away from their nests and adopt their eggs. So basically they're Michele Buchanan's nightmare swanified. All your heterosexual eggs are belong to us.

  • 2. Gray Whales

    Homosexual interaction are quite common with gray whales. Gray whales are also down with the orgies, where as many as five males roll around, splashing water and rubbing their bellies against one another so their genitals touch. Hot.

  • 3. Humboldt Penguins

    And tango makes 3. Homosexual Humboldt penguins have been shacking up at zoos, raising stupid debates that remind people that yes, zoos still exist. When presented with abandoned eggs, homosexual penguin couples will raise the offspring together.

  • 4. Guianan-Cock-of-the-Rock

    40% of male Guianan-Cock-of-the-Rocks engage in some form of homosexuality sexual activity, and a small percentage don't ever copulate with females. They are known lovers of Elton John songs, except that awful Kiki Dee duet.

  • 5. Bonobo Chimpanzees

    Bonobo Chimpanzees, considered the closest living relative to humans, are nearly all bisexual. They copulate frequently (and are quite vocal in coitus), using it as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution, and post-conflict reconciliation. They often engage in homosexual activities, two thirds of which are amongst females, who dominate Bonobo society. Males, however, enjoy engaging in various forms of male-male genital behavior including hanging from a tree limb face-to-face while "penis fencing", and a special form of frot called "rump rubbing" that occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, when they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacs together. (I saw something disturbingly similar between two twenty-something dudes at the last hockey game I was at.)

  • 6. Japanese Macaques

    Known as the snow monkey, female Macaques not only tend to dominate Macaque society, but also form intense bonds with one another and are serially monogamous; they only have one sexual partner at a time, but they will have several relationships during each breeding season. Males also engage in homosexual behaviour, but tend to leave their partner immediately after, basically engaging in snow monkey one night stands.

  • 7. American Bison

    Homosexual mounting between males tends to be more common than heterosexual female-male copulation among American bison, especially because females only mate with the bulls about once a year, leaving many of them with a momentous case of blue balls. During mating season, males engage in same-sex activities several times a day, with more than half of all mounting in young males occurring with the same gender.

  • 8. Walrus

    Until Male walruses reach sexual maturity at age four, they are most likely exclusively involved in same sex relationships. Older males are typically bisexual, spending breeding season mating with females, but copulating with other males for the rest of the year.

  • 9. Bottlenose Dolphins

    Flipper has two daddies! Homosexual activity occurs with about the same frequency as heterosexual play. Males are typically bisexual, but also go through periods of exclusive homosexuality. Homosexual activities include oral sex, wherein one dolphin stimulates the genitals of another with its snout. Males also rub their erect penises against the body of their partner.

  • 10. Giraffes

    Male courtships are frequent and include necking before mounting (seriously, foreplay is important, people), which can last for over an hour. One in every 20 male giraffes will be found necking with another male at any instant, with homosexual activity said to be more common than heterosexual activity.

  • 11. Kob Antelope

    Kob Angtelope, on the other hand, produce more female/female mounting, with females mounting other females a couple times an hour during the mating season. Females get each other in mood by sauntering up behind one another and raising one of their forelegs, touching the female between her legs. This foreplay generally has a high success rate and ultimately leads to mounting.

  • 12. Republican members of congress/senate

    The males of the species are coy, often engaging in so-called heterosexual activity to draw attention away from their homosexual proclivities, and leading the charge in persecuting others who engage in the same activities. Mating rituals include foot tapping in airport bathroom stalls, online solicitation, visiting local gay haunts incognito, and IMing male interns.