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How Serbian Are You?

Did you say "promaja?"

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  1. 1. Check all the serbian things that apply to you!

    Nikolaos Reljin / Via Flickr: nikolaos_reljin
    First of all, you know what "promaja" is - A.K.A draft paranoia
    And you know it's not going to kill you despite what your parents told you
    But you're still a little scared to open two windows in your house at the same time
    You can read cyrillic
    In school, you taught your friends the serbian cyrillic alphabet so you could use it as a secret language
    You teach your friends how to swear in serbian
    You know rakija is not only an alcoholic drink
    You use it as an antibacterial
    You use it to cure illenesses
    And to celebrate all occasions
    And also as a massage lotion
    If you don't have rakija (which probably is never going to happen), you use Sljivovica instead
    You're addicted to Telemundo's telenovelas
    And to Balika Vadhu
    You know Jagdish and Ganga are meant to be
    Every year, you vote 10 times in a row for Serbia's singer (you don't care who it is tbh) in the Eurovision song contest
    You sang along with Marija Serifovic when she won in 2007
    And you know Zeljko Joksimovic's "nije ljubav stvar" should have won in 2012
    You're rooting for Zvezda or Partizan
    You were a fan of whatever basketball team Vlade Divac was on
    Aleksandar Djordjevic was your biggest hero.
    People assume you're russian because of your last name
    Or because they don't know the difference between Serbia and Siberia
    But for some weird reasons they know about Yugoslavia
    On every wedding you'll eat sarma, supa or kupus
    You have a 120 gallon barrel of cabbage on your balcony or in your garage
    Your dad is snoring so loudly you wonder if there's a bear sleeping in the house
    Your parents call you "my son" (sine) even if you're a girl
    If you're living in Europe, you're traveling to Serbia every summer BY CAR
    You have at least one Holy Icon hanging on your wall
    If you're a girl, your name ends with A
    And if you're a boy, you're name is probably Dragan
    If not, you probably know one Dragan
    You celebrate Christmas, New Year and Easter two weeks after everyone else
    Your baba doesn't understand the meaning of "I'm not hungry"
    Your father suffers from the "zeludac syndrom"
    Your freezer is loaded with meat, especially pork meat
    No one has ever pronounced your last name right
    Your father called you "budala"
    And sometimes "majmune"
    But you know he does it because he loves you
    You own Lepa Brena's "hajde da se volimo" on VHS
    When your dad sneezes, the earth is shaking
    Novak Djokovic is your #1 and true hero
    You wish you could marry Ana Ivanovic
    In school you did a presentation about Nikola Tesla
    You think nothing's better than kajmak on a slice of bread
    You love pasulj
    And burek
    And pita
    And gibanica
    And pljeskavica
    When you're going out, your parents always tell you "pamet u glavu"
    When you're laughing too much, your mother tells you " If you laugh too much, you'll end up crying"!
    You sing "Djurdjevdan" at all parties
    You "dance" to Goran Bregovic's "kalashnikov" or at least, you try
    When someone calls you and says "we'll be here in 10 minutes", you know they'll arrive in two hours
    One of your first words was "jebiga"
    Your parents always asked you "who do you love the most, tata or mama"?
    You call Santa Claus "Deda Mraz"
    You dream about going to Guca
    You spent one week of your summer vacation in Sutomore, Canj or Kotor
    Rostilj is a way of life
    When you meet someone, you kiss this person three times
    You know it's Beograd and not Belgrade
    You're probably taller than your friends
    Inat is your greatest quality
    Your baba and deda used to scare you with Baba Roga
    You use the words brat and sestra (brother and sister) for your cousins
    You own a lot of hoodies and tracksuits
    You cannot eat anything unless there's bread
    Your last name ends with IC
    There's nothing better than drinking a refreshing Jelen Pivo
    Your parents start to dance kolo when they get drunk
    You never miss an opportunity to make a party
    You became superstisious because of your parents
    If you're a girl, you're obsessed with fashion
    You know Ceca's entire discography
    You've watched Resident Evil just because of Milla Jovovich
    You've watched every film made by Emir Kusturica
    You know who Vuk Stefanovic Kardzic is
    And who Sveti Sava is
    When you meet a serbian person the first thing you ask is "when is your Slava"?
    Crna kafa is the best
    On your birthday everyone pulls your ears
    You watch Pink tv, Pink extra and Pink music
    You often mix english (or another language) with serbian and you call it Serblish
    Because of this quiz you wan to go to Serbia right now
    Tamo daleko
    This song hits your right in the feels
    Bez otadžbine, na Krfu živeh ja, ali sam ponosno klic'o, živela Srbija!

How Serbian Are You?

You're a beginner. You probably know about Serbia because of Novak Djokovic and it's totally okay. If you want to learn more about this country, the best thing to do is to book a flight and enjoy serbian spring.

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You've been to Serbia, or maybe you have some serbian friends. Anyway, you know a lot about this country and you're probably going to Guca this summer. And if you don't, well now you know what you have to do.

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Paprika, pljeskavica, pivo and rakija, you know what we're talking about and that's because you're a true serbian! You can't wait for summer to arrive because it means you're going back to Serbia. Cestitamo! Now make us proud and dance kolo like there's no tomorrow!

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