First of all, you know what "promaja" is - A.K.A draft paranoiaAnd you know it's not going to kill you despite what your parents told youBut you're still a little scared to open two windows in your house at the same timeYou can read cyrillicIn school, you taught your friends the serbian cyrillic alphabet so you could use it as a secret languageYou teach your friends how to swear in serbianYou know rakija is not only an alcoholic drinkYou use it as an antibacterialYou use it to cure illenessesAnd to celebrate all occasionsAnd also as a massage lotionIf you don't have rakija (which probably is never going to happen), you use Sljivovica insteadYou're addicted to Telemundo's telenovelasAnd to Balika VadhuYou know Jagdish and Ganga are meant to beEvery year, you vote 10 times in a row for Serbia's singer (you don't care who it is tbh) in the Eurovision song contestYou sang along with Marija Serifovic when she won in 2007And you know Zeljko Joksimovic's "nije ljubav stvar" should have won in 2012You're rooting for Zvezda or PartizanYou were a fan of whatever basketball team Vlade Divac was onAleksandar Djordjevic was your biggest hero.People assume you're russian because of your last nameOr because they don't know the difference between Serbia and SiberiaBut for some weird reasons they know about YugoslaviaOn every wedding you'll eat sarma, supa or kupusYou have a 120 gallon barrel of cabbage on your balcony or in your garageYour dad is snoring so loudly you wonder if there's a bear sleeping in the houseYour parents call you "my son" (sine) even if you're a girlIf you're living in Europe, you're traveling to Serbia every summer BY CARYou have at least one Holy Icon hanging on your wallIf you're a girl, your name ends with AAnd if you're a boy, you're name is probably DraganIf not, you probably know one DraganYou celebrate Christmas, New Year and Easter two weeks after everyone elseYour baba doesn't understand the meaning of "I'm not hungry"Your father suffers from the "zeludac syndrom"Your freezer is loaded with meat, especially pork meatNo one has ever pronounced your last name rightYour father called you "budala"And sometimes "majmune"But you know he does it because he loves youYou own Lepa Brena's "hajde da se volimo" on VHSWhen your dad sneezes, the earth is shakingNovak Djokovic is your #1 and true heroYou wish you could marry Ana IvanovicIn school you did a presentation about Nikola TeslaYou think nothing's better than kajmak on a slice of breadYou love pasuljAnd burekAnd pitaAnd gibanicaAnd pljeskavicaWhen you're going out, your parents always tell you "pamet u glavu"When you're laughing too much, your mother tells you " If you laugh too much, you'll end up crying"!You sing "Djurdjevdan" at all partiesYou "dance" to Goran Bregovic's "kalashnikov" or at least, you tryWhen someone calls you and says "we'll be here in 10 minutes", you know they'll arrive in two hoursOne of your first words was "jebiga"Your parents always asked you "who do you love the most, tata or mama"?You call Santa Claus "Deda Mraz"You dream about going to GucaYou spent one week of your summer vacation in Sutomore, Canj or KotorRostilj is a way of lifeWhen you meet someone, you kiss this person three timesYou know it's Beograd and not BelgradeYou're probably taller than your friendsInat is your greatest qualityYour baba and deda used to scare you with Baba RogaYou use the words brat and sestra (brother and sister) for your cousinsYou own a lot of hoodies and tracksuitsYou cannot eat anything unless there's breadYour last name ends with ICThere's nothing better than drinking a refreshing Jelen PivoYour parents start to dance kolo when they get drunkYou never miss an opportunity to make a partyYou became superstisious because of your parentsIf you're a girl, you're obsessed with fashionYou know Ceca's entire discographyYou've watched Resident Evil just because of Milla JovovichYou've watched every film made by Emir KusturicaYou know who Vuk Stefanovic Kardzic isAnd who Sveti Sava isWhen you meet a serbian person the first thing you ask is "when is your Slava"?Crna kafa is the bestOn your birthday everyone pulls your earsYou watch Pink tv, Pink extra and Pink musicYou often mix english (or another language) with serbian and you call it SerblishBecause of this quiz you wan to go to Serbia right nowTamo dalekoThis song hits your right in the feelsBez otadžbine, na Krfu živeh ja, ali sam ponosno klic'o, živela Srbija!
How Serbian Are You?
You're a beginner. You probably know about Serbia because of Novak Djokovic and it's totally okay. If you want to learn more about this country, the best thing to do is to book a flight and enjoy serbian spring.
You've been to Serbia, or maybe you have some serbian friends. Anyway, you know a lot about this country and you're probably going to Guca this summer. And if you don't, well now you know what you have to do.
Paprika, pljeskavica, pivo and rakija, you know what we're talking about and that's because you're a true serbian! You can't wait for summer to arrive because it means you're going back to Serbia. Cestitamo! Now make us proud and dance kolo like there's no tomorrow!