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How Was Your Sex Life In 2017?

How'd you do this year?

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  1. How many times do you think you had sex this year?
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    Enough. I didn't count.
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    Sex? What's that?
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    Jeez, fewer than 10 times, I think.
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    Oh please, way more than 10 times.
  2. Did you<br />try any new position this<br />year?
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    I didn't feel like I needed to try anything fancy.
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    Yeah, that one position where you lie down and watch TV alone.
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    I wanted to, but I was too shy to pull it off.
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    Of course I did, and I aced every single one of them.
  3. Did you<br />have sex with someone new this year?
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    I didn't need any variety.
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    New people? I didn't even get with any old ones.
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    I was into it, but only hooked up once or twice.
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    I got with a whole new crew.
  4. Did you fulfill any of your wildest fantasies this year?
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    I don't fantasize.
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    I fantasize about getting all my bills paid.
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    I've got some ideas, but haven't had a chance to try them out yet.
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    Oh yeah! Out of this world.
  5. Did you do it in any new spots in your house?
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    What's wrong with the bed?
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    I fucked something up at work. Does that count?
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    Nothing better than lazy, Sunday sex on the sofa.
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    I must have christened every room by now.
  6. Did you fuck anywhere interesting this year?
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    No. That sounds awful.
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    I almost never go out, sweetie.
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    Yes, but just a quickie or two.
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    I've lost count of how many times and how many places.
  7. Did you go to a motel this year?
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    No. That sounds even more awful.
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    I don't have that kind of cash to burn.
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    Sure, when there wasn't another option.
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    Yes! Love it.
  8. Did you use any hookup apps this year?
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    I don't use dating apps.
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    I waste all my data on memes.
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    I tried to, but it didn't work out.
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    All the apps, all the time.
  9. Did you watch an adult film with someone else this year?
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    I don't watch porn.
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    I don't even have my own Netflix account.
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    Once, but just for chuckles.
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    Sure, then tried a few things out after.
  10. Did<br />you, uh... climax?
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    Orgasms come and go. No big deal.
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    *A single tear falls* Pass.
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    I think I came all right.
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    I got off SOOOOOOO good.

This post was translated from Portuguese.

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