Skip To Content

    Married Men Are Revealing The Dumbest Thing They Did While Dating That Their Now-Wives Overlooked, And They're Better Than A Disney Movie

    "Suffice to say, when I put the gum on the counter and the coin in my mouth, the cashier was baffled, and my girlfriend (now wife) was crying with laughter."

    Dates can be pretty fun, and sometimes, dates can go pretty wrong. But with the right people, those wrongs can be something you both look back on and laugh at one day.

    Well, redditor u/TheTinRam asked the internet, "Married men, what was that dumb thing you did during your dating phase that you can’t believe your wife ended up overlooking?"

    There was no shortage of responses, so get ready to laugh and cringe:

    1. "My uncle didn't call his now-wife for over a year after they first met, and he had gotten her number. He kept the paper she wrote it on — and he ended up finding it and calling her, asking if she still remembered him and was still interested in going on a date."

    u/GlennCloseButNoCigar

    2. "I insisted that everything in San Francisco was walking distance from everything else and decided we should walk from Pier 39 to Golden Gate Park. It IS walkable, but not third-date walkable, or whatever-shoes-she-happened-to-be-wearing-that-day walkable."

    u/CaughtAllTheBreaks

    "As someone unfamiliar with San Francisco, I googled this. It's 6.5 miles apart, a two-hour walk according to Google, and by the looks of it, a shit ton of hills. Google is giving me a warning I’ve never seen before that walking directions may not reflect real-world conditions, and it looks like the elevation changes back and forth a couple hundred feet more than once." —u/Just_OneReason

    3. "For our second date, I had invited her out with myself and some friends to celebrate a friend getting a job. I drank. Heavily. She was my DD. She drove me home, and as she pulled up to the curb, I threw open the door, rolled out of the car, and vomited into the gutter. She then offered to help me cross the street, to which I responded by yelling, 'I'M DISGUSTING!' and sprinting across the street. Once inside, I brushed my teeth aggressively. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I needed to clean my mouth so I could kiss her. After I was done, I walked to my room, laid down, and immediately fell asleep. She spent the night to make sure I was OK."

    "I'm now holding our baby girl who was born just last week. I asked her at one point why she stayed with me through that, and she said it was because even though I was piss-drunk, the whole time I was still gentle and kind, asked her if she was having fun, and introduced her to everyone I knew. I'm a lucky guy." —u/andrewguenther

    4. "I turned her down when she suggested we go on a date. Read: I'm super awkward. I was working for Starbucks; she was a regular customer. I was new in town and noticed her a couple times. We got to some small talk, chatting about places to eat. She said there's an amazing taco place down the road — we should go some time. I misheard her, thinking she said, 'You should go some time.' I replied, 'I'll definitely check it out!' I handed her a drink, and she left very awkwardly."

    "She was back the next day, and, against all odds, I was able to clear up the misunderstanding. I wrote my number on her Starbucks cup.

    We went to that taco place for our first date, and she was right; it was amazing. Three years married and two kids later, I'm really glad she saw through my awkwardness." —u/MadHarryRackham

    5. "Wife here. About three weeks into dating, my husband invited me to a house party at his best friend's place. We were playing beer pong, having fun. The other team was up. They tossed the ball, and I leaned forward to try to block it. My now-husband extended his hand out in front of me at the same time, catching the ball — but, at the same time, hitting me in the eye and somehow pulling out 3/4 of my eyelashes. He felt terrible about it and tried to burn off his eyelashes in drunken sympathy."

    "He hates when I bring it up, but I think it is the funniest story!" —u/CopperMeerkat20

    6. "On an early date, we went to the local shop to pick up some things for a picnic, including some gum. I was thinking really hard and aware that she was watching me. I had this. Money on the counter, gum in your mouth. Money on the counter, gum in your mouth. Easy. Suffice to say, when I put the gum on the counter and the two-euro coin in my mouth, the cashier was baffled, and my girlfriend (now wife) was crying with laughter."

    "I generally get very nervous around women that are into me and especially when I know she's watching me do something — even something trivial." —u/mehfesto 

    7. "I forgot her name once when introducing her to a friend. This was maybe a month into our relationship. I was all like, 'Hey and by the way, this is...uh...my girlfriend.'"

    [deleted]

    8. "On our second date, I arrived one hour late. When I went to greet her with a hug, I accidentally knocked her phone out of her hand. It hit the ground and cracked the screen, but I wasn't sure if it was already cracked. I apologized, and she said it was OK and that the screen was already like that."

    "Almost a year later, she confessed that I actually broke her phone that day. She had just gotten it from her mom. 

    All phones she ever had were secondhand and very simple. She couldn't afford a new one at the time, but she still lied and kept using the broken phone so I wouldn't feel bad. 

    My heart sank. We've been married for two years now, and I've given her a brand-new flagship phone every year ever since." —u/kohdgen

    9. "We drank a lot on our second date and had to Uber home. The next day, we went back to get his car, and it wasn't there. He was so devastated. He just bought it recently, and it was stolen. We filed a police report. It took forever and just generally sucked. We walked to his friend's house nearby, and there was his car, perfectly un-stolen."

    "He drank so much [that] he forgot he moved it before our date. Now, once in a while, when we're trying to find our car in the grocery store parking lot or wherever, one of us will say, 'It's stolen. Call the police.'" —u/loveofmoz

    10. "I had just started a job working with her and — unbeknownst to me at the time — her mom. Her mom and I did not get along. My move was, 'What’s up with that thick bitch [insert her mom's name]?' She said, 'Oh, I’ll tell my mom you said hi.'"

    "I. Was. Dead. But hey, we've been married 16 years so..." —u/OldIronSides

    11. "I made myself a burger for dinner before heading over to her place to hang out. Unfortunately, I'm not the best cook and left a little too much pink in that burger. While we were at her house, I bet her I could fit through the doggy door and crawled right through. Then she immediately closed it behind me, and we raced to the front door. She won and locked it. Now at this exact moment, my bowels decided they had enough of that burger from earlier, and I felt my stomach cramp. Luckily, I held it all in and ran back to the back door with my cheeks clenched and started knocking desperately. She was laughing at first, but she saw my face go suddenly serious, and I said very calmly, 'I need you to open the door... now please.' She unlocked the door and asked if I was OK. I told her to stay downstairs and turn the TV up loud. She agreed but was very confused. So I ran upstairs and then had one of the most violent shits of my whole life."

    "I thought the worst was behind me until I went to wipe. And, of course, no TP. So she took my instructions really well, and, when I yelled to her, texted her, and called her, I got no answer. 

    After probably 10 missed calls, she finally answered, and I asked her to bring me some TP, leave it outside the door, and try not to breathe on the way upstairs. 

    She was great about it and immediately started making fun of me when I came back downstairs. Now, quite a few years later, and a couple of kids and a cat later, she's still making fun of me." —u/Gnartian

    12. "It wasn't until after we were married that my wife told me that I almost didn't get a second date because I talked way too much during the movie. I don't really remember it, but apparently, I was leaning over every 30 seconds or so to tell her what I was thinking."

    "Also, 'Valkyrie' with Tom Cruise probably wasn't that great of a date movie, but it all worked out in the end.

    Please forgive me my movie-talking sins, everybody. I was a dumb teenager, and she's really pretty. I was just quite anxious for things to go well." —u/ItsProbablyAVulture

    13. "When we were dating, my husband and I were holding hands when he had to cough. Instead of letting go of my hand and covering his mouth, he continued to hold on, brought it up to his mouth, and coughed into my hand."

    "It was a dry cough. If it was anything more, I would have run." —u/RegularLisaSimpson

    14. "On my first date with my wife, we got to talking about tattoos. I have a rule that if I have an idea for a tattoo, I sit on it for a while to see if I still want it. I mentioned this to her and explained how glad I am that I do this because otherwise I'd be covered in Tool (the band) tattoos or some 'other dumb shit.' She rolled up her sleeve to show me that she had the lyrics to one of their songs tattooed across her arm."

    "The lyrics are, 'All this pain is an illusion,' from 'Parabola.' For the record, I don't really hate Tool. I just used to be super into them in high school and have since grown out of them. I still put them on once in a while.

    My oldest brother unironically has a Creed tattoo on his leg. There's always somebody out there who has it worse than you." —u/thevagrant88

    15. "I know what my husband would say because I still tease him to this day. We had been dating for two weeks and were spooning on his futon, watching a movie. Out of nowhere, he says, 'I'm really sorry; I can't hold it in anymore,' and rips a HUGE fart."

    "My husband was a very clean, tight-knit, prudish kind of guy, so I couldn't help but let out the biggest laugh while he turned about as red as his beard." —[deleted]

    16. "I accidentally set her hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good."

    "We are still married 29 years later. I don't smoke anymore." —u/stumpytoes

    17. "She was about to sneeze and was sitting half on my lap, so I kind of thought she was going to sneeze on me. I don't know what I was thinking, but I put my hand up to block her sneeze — except I had a glass in my hand. I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze and, instead, she slammed her face into my glass."

    "We've been married for six years now. She still has all her teeth." —u/MapleDanish

    18. "I once spear-tackled my then-girlfriend out of misplaced enthusiasm in high school. I was excited to see her and handled it as badly as was possible. It was in front of a bunch of our friends, and I ended up knocking the wind out of her and making her cry."

    "That was about 17 years ago, and we're still together. I also licked my plate at a fancy restaurant because the salad dressing was so good. She still brings that one up every few years." —u/literalfeces

    19. "My husband kept calling me by the name of his previous girlfriend on our first date. I finally told him to give her a call because they clearly had unfinished business to talk about. He did, and she reminded him why he was happy to have her out of his life."

    "He never called me by her name again. Forty years later and it seems to have worked out in my favor." —u/designgoddess

    20. "On our first dinner date, my husband ordered a shit ton of food to show me his favorites at an Indian restaurant. He forgot his wallet at home and only discovered doing so when the check had arrived."

    "It cleared me out well over a hundred bucks, and he was absolutely mortified, but we've been married for near two years so." —[deleted]

    21. "I was sitting on the couch as we were playing Wii bowling. She was standing behind the couch, lovingly holding me. I draw back the Wiimote and WHAM! I whack her in the face with the Wiimote at full strength."

    "Her mom was also in the room." —u/jediwafflez

    22. "The night I met my husband, he stared at me while I was sleeping. For four hours straight. It's been three years. He still stares at me until I scold him for it. Then, he waits until he thinks I won't notice and starts staring again. 🤦"

    "I love him to the moon and back, even though he'd sure as hell stare at me the entire trip." —[deleted]

    23. "Our first kiss is the one that sticks out in my mind. We kissed and, right as we kiss, some air moves in my throat. It sounded like a burp, but it wasn't. It seemed like I burped right into her mouth, and I was mortified."

    "She now knows it wasn't a burp, but at the time...not so much. I'm such a lucky fool and had some big blunders early while learning who I am and who she is. I'm lucky someone so wonderful saw past the stupid young person I was." —u/magicninjaswhat

    24. "On our third or fourth date, my man mixed our soups. I got a watermelon gazpacho (a cold soup), and he got a seafood bisque. I'm a sharer, so we both tasted each other's soup. We didn't love mine but loved his. After the tasting, he boldly yet nervously states, 'Mine is so great; I got this,' while pouring our two soups into one. It was the worst lukewarm thing I've ever tasted."

    "Five years later and we've never mixed soups again...too risky." —u/olivesamantha

    25. "My now-wife was a devout animal lover and activist. I proposed to her at a fancy restaurant that serves 11 courses. In between one of the courses, the chef brought out a cute, little glass bowl for us to play with some squid. The chef informed us that these were firefly squid, local to the bay. My wife was delighted and practically named them. Two courses later they reappeared...as entrées, floating on a glass plate, lit up from below, and arranged to look like they were swimming."

    "She still said yes but has never let me forget that I took her on literally the worst dining experience she ever had and the most expensive dinner I had ever paid for." —u/wooshoofoo

    26. "My husband broke my thumb one night when we were slightly tipsy. The horseplay got too rough, and I think (drunk memory) he slammed my hand against something. We both heard the pop, and I went to tears."

    u/juicemari

    27. "I flicked a dime at her head. We were playing table football. Not sure what I was thinking. She has a scar."

    "I kiss it every night before we go to bed. We are married and have three kids." —u/Tuexdobacon325

    28. "I played Weird Al CDs nonstop for a six-hour car trip to the beach. She didn’t ditch me, but I haven’t been allowed to play Weird Al in her presence for the past 24 years."

    "I got tickets to see him this year on our anniversary and knew better than to ask her to join me. So I took a couple of my kids that appreciate the finer things in life. Best anniversary gift ever. Great show." —u/homepup

    29. "We had only been dating a month or so when my then-boyfriend went to pick me up and accidentally threw my head through the ceiling, giving me a concussion. He's 6'8" and just really misjudged the distance."

    "I also had a hard time getting used to his height and very regularly kneed him in the balls for about two years while cuddling, so I think we're even. 

    We've been together six years now, and I'm proud to say we haven't injured each other in about four." —u/Fercron

    30. "About three weeks into dating, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and spin me around in his driveway. Unfortunately, it was not his most brilliant idea. He tripped, and we fell right onto the concrete next to my car."

    "He landed on top of me." —u/marzipanrouge

    31. "Growing up, my dad and his brother commonly tried to steal food off each other’s plates — just to be assholes to each other. This was remedied by plate-guarding and defensive maneuvers with utensils if hands got too close. On my parents' first date, my mom reached for something to try off my dad’s plate, and he instinctively stabbed her hand with his fork — drew blood and everything."

    "He was obviously mortified. I'm glad my mom was crazy enough to keep dating, marry, and procreate with the fork stabber." —u/mollyjean-

    32. "I can tell you for him. We had been dating for a short amount of time, so we hadn't been through a lot of firsts yet. We were leaving his new apartment and had to walk through this small passage. It was slightly shadowed, but light shot through it and created this romantic silhouette. As we did, he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards himself. I’m thinking, 'Aw, he is going to put my hand around his waist, how romantic!' Instead, he locked my hand on his butt and loudly farted."

    "It was a very brave move for a new couple. We’ve been married for 13 years now." —u/WomanNotAGirl

    Do you have your own story to share? Let us know in the comments below!