People Are Sharing "Hard To Swallow Pills" About Relationships, And They're Important Things That You Need To Hear
"People keep changing as their life goes on, and there are no guarantees that you and your partner will change in ways that are compatible."
We'd all love to think that relationships are the most romantic, glamorous, and perfect things ever. But in reality, they require dedication and effort, just like anything else.
1. "Not everyone will value your relationship like you do. It's VERY important to make sure you both have the same expectations and values."
"Otherwise, like two unequally yoked animals, you will continue to walk in circles over the same ground." —u/GreenSalsa96
2. "Putting off ending things for fear of hurting someone's feelings is the worst possible idea."
"If the relationship isn’t right and you know you don’t want to be together, then sparing someone’s feelings in the short term only leads to more pain later down the line. Be honest and front the horrible conversation." —u/JazzyMcfly1
3. "Losing your identity within a relationship is easy to do. Finding it again isn’t."
"Remember to keep your friends and hobbies." —u/Ieatclowns
4. "Keeping your friends and hobbies is also good for the health of the relationship, not just in case it fails. It puts less pressure on the relationship to entertain and keep you happy, and gives you space, a broader focus, and interesting things to talk about."
"It also helps you be you, who is the person your partner fell for in the first place!" —u/EarthCadence
6. "The ebb and flow of it all. As a teen, you chase the butterflies and high of relationships. As an adult, you have to learn that as your hormones settle, you need to settle, too."
"You should not constantly be seeking the highs and creating conflict to achieve them — even though the highs are addicting. You need to learn to be good with the chill times; the comfort; the ease. Don't lose the butterflies completely, of course, but don't create them with negative behavior.
Create them by pulling your partner in for a long passionate kiss instead of the normal goodbye or hello peck. Or by planning a date or a fun new activity to experience together. Keep each other on your toes in a good way. But be ok when things are just as so." —u/Bajingosisters
7. "At a certain point, you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partner's personality or move on."
"My husband is almost 50. We've been married for over 20 years. While he will continue to experience personal growth, there are parts of his personality that are likely to not ever change. The same is true for me, of course." —u/Tricky-garden
9. "When you decide to commit to your person, you are sacrificing your fantasy of being with them."
"In the crushing or beginning stages of a relationship, we are idealizing them as more perfect than they are. But we all have our faults, and in choosing to be together, we are met with reality vs. fantasy." —u/grumbleabode
10. "Once you get beyond the initial lust and heart-fluttery part of a romantic relationship, you begin to realize that love looks a lot different than the rom-com movies. Relationships are often unglamorous."
"It's not embracing in the pouring rain, kissing under the Eiffel Tower, trying to board the plane to convince them not to go. It's handing them a box of Cheez-It's when they get home from a 12-hour shift and are too exhausted to move. It's driving them to the airport at 3 a.m. for their dream job interview. It's managing their prescriptions when they get too sick to do it themselves.
While a committed relationship can be very rewarding, there's more to it than you and your hot partner canoodling and going on trips for the rest of your lives. Relationships can take a lot of work, some of it that you will never see coming in the early days." —u/kitty_n
11. "Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. A relationship needs more than love."
12. "People who think they can 'fix' things about their partner are doomed to be in a constant state of disappointment."
"You either accept it without grudge or, if it's something you can't be flexible with, you move on." —u/port-girl
13. "Your partner should be kind to you. It's not okay for your partner to scream at you, curse you out, or deliberately hurt your feelings. This isn't to say that it never ever happens, we are human and occasionally mess up. But if they are not consistently kind to you and aren't sorry when they are mean, that's a problem."
"And vice-versa. If you wouldn't accept the behavior from a friend, then you absolutely should not accept it from a partner. The idea that it's normal for your partner to be mean to you is so bad.
I've seen way too many people accept crappy relationships because they think love means never having to say sorry and that getting screamed at is acceptable." —u/missluluh
15. "A lot of it is boring. The 'magical moments' and massive 'I love you so much' posts on social media are like 2% of the time. A majority of a relationship is just everyday living."
"Your idea of a perfect relationship is the small sliver of it that TV, movies, and social media have led you to believe. You gotta look forward to sitting on the couch in sweatpants after eating so much stir fry you're both farting nonstop." —u/MeatyOakerGuy
16. "It takes two to be in a relationship. If one person is putting in all the effort and the other isn't, it's eventually all going to fall apart when the one who is giving the effort stops."
"Great relationships are mutual." —u/joiey555
17. "You can't look for someone else to be your 'other half.' You have to learn how to be a whole person on your own. This means being able to take care of your own emotional needs, too."
18. "They aren't going to magically know you're upset with them. They aren't going to read your passive-aggressive signs. They aren't going to pick up on that."
"Be direct. If you are upset, talk to your partner about it. Not your friends. Not your parents. Not strangers on the internet. Your partner." —u/Frothy_moisture
19. "Not all arguments are worth having. Yes, communication is extremely important and is key to a healthy relationship — but so is triaging the things you nit-pick."
"People online will try to make you believe that every little thing needs to be addressed and, if you don't want to address it, you're living a lie. But those people are either 1) in a complete fantasy relationship, or 2) have never been in a meaningful one." —u/Ssutuanjoe
20. "'When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.' It's easy to dismiss toxic characteristics because of love."
"Sometimes you won't get that clarity until you're a safe distance away." —u/jitwip
21. "You should not be anxious about the relationship all the time. You shouldn't be stressed about if they love you or if they're going to leave you or if they're out cheating on you or what they're thinking. It shouldn't be a major source of stress. In fact, if it's a good partnership, both of your lives should be easier."
"The old adage about relationships being hard work isn't really accurate, being with them shouldn't be hard or a battle. It's more accurate to say that a good relationship takes effort. You should both be striving for open communication, handle conflict in a healthy way, and make each other happy, but it shouldn't be exhausting or hard or stressful to be with them. They should be a source of comfort." —u/missluluh
22. "Sometimes things don't work. Even if both parties are objectively wonderful people. Even if they love each other and enjoy their lives together."
"Sometimes things just get in the way and force you to make a hard choice." —u/Manatee3232
24. "Lots of people are actually looking for contradictions in relationships. As Bo Burnham put it, you want someone insanely hot, but not someone obsessed with their looks. You want someone sensitive but not weak."
"A lot of people want someone who won't use them for anything, but who they can use themselves to fulfill their own needs or desires.
I think the worst part of growing up for me has been the utter realization that lots of people want to use who they can to fit their own ends. It's not exactly always malicious, just practical; you grow more sensible as you age, and so you're less willing to tolerate relationships of any kind where you don't derive some sort of benefit." —u/honestgoing
25. "Love isn’t everything. At least not 'love' as most people interpret it. I wouldn’t even say it necessarily 'takes work.' Two people can love each other deeply while being terrible for each other, treating each other poorly, etc."
"All the love in the world doesn’t compensate for lack of growth. If both people aren’t growing and evolving over time; if the relationship doesn’t foster growth and security, then love simply is irrelevant. It should go without saying but you should always be on the same team, never adversarial." —u/jjaekkak
27. "People keep changing as their life goes on, and there are no guarantees that you and your partner will change in ways that are compatible. Someone can be your soulmate today, but in a year, the person they've become may not be the soulmate of the person you've become."
"While you shouldn't simply give up on a relationship the moment you hit a rough patch, you also shouldn't let a happy past keep you in a miserable present." —u/Notmiefault
28. "If someone is going to cheat, there is no stopping them by checking their phone, messages, where they go, or whatever."
"They are going to cheat regardless." —u/luvgassy
29. "Everybody has a past life, history, and things you may not like. It’s easy to love all of their great experiences, but it can be challenging to accept some of their past life that disturbs you or you worry may be a problem still."
"A very challenging part of relationships is getting out of your head on who they used to be and focus more on who they ARE now and how they make you feel." —u/JustHereToHangOut