1. Go speed hating.
Now entering it’s fifth year, speed hating is the brainchild of London-based merchants of misery Len and Cliff, who also run the delightfully depressing club night Feeling Gloomy (held monthly in London, Berlin and New York - check www.feelinggloomy.com for details). At their anti-Valentine’s event, Down With Dating, singletons can enjoy a Blind Hate, and try speed hating - think speed dating, but with gratuitous insults and infinitely more moaning. Whether you’re single and happy to stay that way or looking for love but tired of the forced of jollity of first dates (“Oh you like stuff? How amazing, I love stuff!”), having a good rant at a perfect stranger sounds like a lot of fun, frankly. It’s actually on a few days before Valentine’s Day this year, but that means you could end up spending the big day with the one you hate…Sign up here: www.feelinggloomy.com/Down_With_Dating
2. Remind yourself that love hurts - literally - with a night of scary movies.
If you think of pretty much every teen slasher flick ever, it’s always the amorous couple in the bedroom who are first for the chop, while the virginal narrator lives. Sex kills, folks. If you’re spending Valentine’s Day by yourself, why not hunker down with some horror films and remember that while you may be destined to die alone, at least it probably won’t be at the hands of a crazed psychopath. If you live in London, the Prince Charles Cinema is capitalising on this idea and screening the world’s least romantic Valentine’s-themed film, My Bloody Valentine, on February 14th. Visit www.princecharlescinema.com for further info.
3. Start a crying club.
Crying clubs are a Japanese craze that hit the UK a few years ago. Whether you’re stressed, depressed or just in need of a good release, you can meet with like-minded people in a darkened room for a night of group weeping. What better way for a sad singleton to spend Valentine’s? If there are no events happening near you, just invite some mates over and stage your own. Get things going by jabbing your friends in the leg with a fork, if necessary.
4. Order your favourite meal - that your ex hated.
Like regular comfort eating, with the added bonus of knowing your ex would have hated it. Particularly fun if you’ve just broken up with someone who wouldn’t let you eat your “disgusting” favourite food in their presence. Dated an Italian-food purist who wouldn’t let you order pineapple on your pizza? Indulge your inner Essex girl and order an extra large Hawaiian.
5. Do something disgusting.
If you really want to stomp all over the spirit of Valentine’s Day, do something deliberately gross to counter-act all the unintentionally nauseating hearts, flowers, and teddy bears declaring undying love. Take a quick look through the local listings and see if there any classes you can take - there are taxidermy classes running throughout February all over the UK (including a Valentine’s Special - dead rat and decorative stuffed heart included - at the Barts Pathology Museum) and London’s Natural History Museum is offering a Night Safari on the 14th, where you can choose to take either a “beautiful” or “ugly” tour of the museum after hours. Choose the “ugly” tour and prepare to be confronted by some of natures most hideous specimens, and learn about their very least appealing habits. If nothing else it’ll put your ex biting their toenails in front of you into perspective. Details here http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/o/barts-pathology-museum-queen-mary-university-of-london-1886339589 and here http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/after-hours/night-safari-master-card/index.html
6. Channel your emotions into something creative.
“All the best pop songs are girl meets boy”…and then leaves boy, and breaks boy’s heart in at least half of those again. Whether you’re reeling from a break up, pining for an unrequited love or just plain pissed off with the whole commercial smug-fest that is Valentine’s Day, why not take inspiration from the greats of art, literature and music and channel that emotion into painting a masterpiece, writing a poem or song, or even starting a novel?
8. Have a fun night out - learning about sexually transmitted diseases.
Love not only hurts, it can sometimes give you nasty blisters too. If you’re lonely in London on Valentine’s Day, pop along to A Night With Venus A Lifetime With Mercury at St Bartholemew’s Hospital for a fascinating talk on the history of sexually transmitted diseases - if that doesn’t put you off sex forever, nothing will. Event details at potts-pots.blogspot.co.uk.
9. Get yourself tested.
Ever one to embrace the spirit of romance, it was the NHS who last year introduced the concept of Valentine’s Day chlamydia testing, offering a free pair of novelty Valentine’s-themed pants to anyone who got themselves tested prior to the big day. This year, a selection of clubs across the UK will be offering free chlamydia testing on Valentine’s Day, so if you’re out and about, make sure your last partner didn’t leave you with an unwanted reminded of your romance. This one’s a good idea even if you’re not single this Valentine’s Day. After all, nothing says true love like peeing in a pot for the good of your significant other.
11. Have a day of self appreciation.
Take some out this Valentine’s Day to remind yourself just why you’re awesome. Dress up, do your hair and remember just how hot you actually are; look through the great things you’ve written or made over the years; or just remind yourself that you have friends who love you no matter what. Single or not - you’re brilliant.
- North Korea threatened Australia with a nuclear strike over its alliance with the United States.