1. The sewing machine incident:
"The kid next to me in home ec was being a piece of sh*t and complaining how 'sewing was for girls.' He was messing around and not taking things seriously. The sewing machine needle ended up going right through his whole thumb. So gross, but also, 'Ha'!"
2. The cockroach-infested school:
"My high school had so many cockroaches that people started a petition to change the mascot to 'the Roach'! One time in class, my friend was standing and talking to the teacher, and I saw a roach fall from the ceiling, land in her hair, and slide down her face without her noticing."
3. The moldy sandwich:
"In second grade, my best friend bit into a cafeteria chicken sandwich and immediately spat out a mouthful of blue-green mold. I’m wary to this day of sandwiches I didn’t make myself."
4. The germ-infestation cover-up:
"In biology class, my class had a project where we went around the school in small groups, collecting samples from public areas that might hold a lot of germs to see what we could find. Out of all the things we swabbed (the railings, toilet seats, and wet floor signs), the grossest things we found were strep bacteria on the water fountains and mold in the air (explaining why teachers on a certain hall kept getting sick). Our principal just told us to keep it quiet...gotta love the public school system."
5. The bastardization of Nicolas Cage:
"When I was in eighth grade, I walked in on a 10th-grader 'getting off' to a picture of Nicolas Cage. When I walked in, he was smearing his 'sex juice' all over the tables. They closed down the school for days because the CCTV showed him doing this in multiple classrooms. He was expelled. I can't look at Nicolas Cage the same way ever again."
6. The kid who sewed his fingers together:
"One of our classes had a cross-stitching project. One kid used a needle and a piece of red yarn from that project and sewed his fingers together in a different class. Nobody noticed until he raised his hand to answer a question and kept it up for all of us to see. Ten years later and it still haunts me."
7. This Harry Potter–inspired bathroom:
"Someone got their period during school and smeared their blood all over the bathroom stall. They wrote on the walls, 'The chamber of secrets has been opened.' The cherry on top was the bloody pad stuck to the stall door."
8. The ACT barfing incident:
"During the English portion of the ACT test, a pregnant girl had to throw up and ran from the back of the room to the front but didn’t make it and threw up on another student taking the test. The test coordinator didn’t stop the time or anything. We had to keep taking the test. The girl who got thrown up on went to the bathroom to wash out her hair and CAME BACK TO FINISH THE TEST!"
9. This school's serial pooper:
"Our school had a real serial pooper, and every year, there would be a random turd somewhere in the school — on the stairs, in a Crock-Pot on the concession stand, etc. One day I was in woodshop class, and the person had stolen an empty can, pooped in it, then set it in the hallway! I had to pass it on my way out. I was not happy about it."
10. The kid who ate their dandruff:
"I once saw someone shake the dandruff from their hair onto the desk and then eat the flakes."
11. The game of "hot cockroach":
"At my old school, a cockroach or centipede fell from the ceiling nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY for weeks! We would all be so scared about whose desk it would fall onto next..."
12. The poop smearers:
"In fourth grade, for some reason the boys developed a habit of wiping their poop on the walls whenever they went to the bathroom. In an attempt to control the problem, the school made the boys use the bathroom in pairs, thus getting more kids in on their poop-smearing agendas. Makes me glad to have a vagina..."
13. The locker infested with rats:
"The kid whose locker was next to mine had so much food and trash in it that it stank to high heaven. One day, a freaking rat jumped out of it onto him and he was repulsed."
14. The girl who ate out of the trash can:
"In elementary school, there was this girl who was legit allergic to everything. She’d purposely eat food out of the trash can (strawberries, cheese, leftover chocolate milk, etc.), and then she’d have a bad allergic reaction. The teacher had to move the garbage can next to her desk to deter the girl from eating out of it."
15. The obliterated Goldfish crackers:
"My friend used to chew up all of her Goldfish crackers and store them in the side of her mouth; then, when she had a good-sized lump of it, she took it out, examined it, sniffed it, and ate it. Absolutely disgusting."
16. The massive gooey booger incident:
"The kid who sat diagonally in front of me was hiding behind his book while we were all silently reading. He dug in his nose and pulled out a massive gooey booger that went from his nose to fingertip. He gave it a hard yank and it snapped to his finger, and he ATE IT. I almost threw up right there. It’s been 24 years AND I WILL NEVER FORGET."
17. The kid who stank up the whole classroom:
"Some kid shat his pants in the fifth grade during a standardized test (as in diarrhea dripping out of his jeans). The smell was god-awful, and because of the test, we had to stay in the room while the janitor cleaned it. Two kids barfed, and one kid passed out from the smell."
18. The glass eye removal:
"A kid on our soccer team had a glass eye. A guy on the opposing team decided to hit him in the face with his elbow (a dirty move). The kid's glass eye flew out of his face and started bleeding! It was awful to see blood streaming down his face and the gaping hole. But the absolute best part was to see the reaction of the guy who punched him. He had a look of pure shock and horror when he saw what he did, and I hope he always thinks twice before he sucker-punches someone."
19. The scissor fight that ended poorly:
"When I was in second grade art class, two kids were play-fighting with scissors, and the girl cut off the end of the guy's finger! We were banned from art class for the rest of the year. Blood was everywhere, and we were rushed out of the art room while the girl went to the principal’s office and the boy went to the hospital."
20. The backpack full of crap:
"At my high school, backpacks weren’t allowed in the gym locker rooms. A student was running late for gym and didn’t have time to go to his locker to drop it off, so he hid his backpack behind a stairwell. During that hour, another kid came across his backpack behind the stairwell, POOPED IN IT, and zipped it up. The poor student didn’t notice until he unzipped his bag next period. The culprit was caught on camera and suspended, but he will forever be famous at our high school."
21. The case of the missing scalp:
"In eighth grade, these two girls got into a physical fight. A few minutes later, I walked out of the locker room into the hallway where the fight was. On the ground was a giant wad of hair and scalp. Apparently one of the girls pulled the other girl’s hair out during the fight. The injured girl had to go to the hospital, and she had a bald spot the rest of the year."
22. The rat in the school:
"When I was in high school, I went to the bathroom in one of the grosser sections of the school. When I was in a bathroom stall, a rat literally fell out of a vent in the ceiling, landed on his back, then turned over and scurried ON TOP OF MY FEET into the next stall. The rat then escaped the bathroom and ran into the next bathroom. You could hear the screams from the other side of the school. They had to section off that corridor to try to trap the rat. This one boy in a math class near that bathroom got bit, and they had to call an ambulance. It was terrifying."
23. The girl who is out to get "Sara":
"I saw a girl walk into the bathroom and smear her period blood all over the walls. She wrote, 'I am coming for you Sara.' I honestly feel sorry for Sara, along with the janitor who had to clean up that sickening mess."
24. And the exploded hamster:
"I’m an elementary school teacher. One of the other fifth grade classrooms had a class pet, a tiny hamster. One Friday (during free time), two kids were cleaning the hamster cage. They usually put the hamster in a different container, but this time another child decided to hold it. Meanwhile, another (very energetic) child was running circles around the perimeter of the room. The hamster bit the child holding it, and the child was so startled that the hamster was dropped. At that exact moment, the running student’s foot landed on the hamster’s head. It just sort of exploded. Then the dismissal bell rang. The kids and teacher were all weeping hysterically. One of the other teachers rushed everybody out of the hamster room and cleaned up the exploded hamster as quickly as possible...and THAT is how I learned you should never get a class pet bigger than a fish.”