Skip To Content

    What's The Deal With Jazz?

    My hands automatically clench into fists when I hear someone scatting.

    Turn off the public radio...

    And get this instrument of torture out of my face.

    Because this is all I hear when I listen to jazz.

    View this video on YouTube

    The thing is, jazz songs never GO anywhere.

    And just when you think you've reached the end of a song, IT STARTS OVER.

    And how can anyone truly take scatting seriously? Are you people for real?

    View this video on YouTube

    Jazz Guys really freak me out, too.

    They sometimes have hair like this, which is terrible for everyone involved.

    And guess what they put on top of it? FEDORAS.

    Not even Muppets can get away with jazzin' out.

    View this video on YouTube

    And Muppets make EVERYTHING good! Well, everything else.

    But really, the worst part of despising jazz is when people say, "No, no, you just haven't heard the good stuff! Blah blah blah Miles Davis Charles Mingus blah blah blerg."

    View this video on YouTube

    Actually, I have. I have, and I hate it. So stop trying to convince me otherwise, you sax-loving freaks.

    In closing, if this is your idea of a good time, then please don't invite me to your improv jam.

    View this video on YouTube

    I think I'll stick to music with actual structure, thankyouverymuch.

    Editor's note

    This post has been reinstated after it was brought to our attention that the author deleted it, against our editorial standards.