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How To Make The World's Best Candy Salad

Sorry not sorry.

BEHOLD, the most terrifying salad on Earth.

WHYYYYYYYYYY does this exist?!!!??

*question posed as 1/3 whine, 1/3 joyful exclamation, 1/3 miserable whimper*


Once upon a time, I was a vegetable-hating teenage stoner with a simple, red-eyed passion:

There was just so much chocolate in the world. I needed to find a way to eat all of it, all at once, forever.

OK SO: First, gather these finest of ingredients.

NO FRUIT CANDY! What are you, some kind of health nut or something?

First, add everything that's already small enough to eat with a spoon.

Then add your first layer of chocolate syrup. You can't have salad without dressing, right?

Next, strip down your wrapped candy so you can cut it up.

Chop any candy that's larger than your thumb into small pieces so it will fit into a spoon.

Candy cross sections are LUSCIOUS.

After every few layers, add more chocolate syrup and stir, scooping up from the bottom to evenly distribute your candy.

Garnish with M&Ms for color.

To serve, you can leave it in its birthplace to be scooped into bowls or mugs...

...or get fancy with it!

In closing, I'd like to say both "I'm sorry" and "You're welcome."

Candy Salad

This is a miracle in a bowl. Bring it to a party and you will INSTANTLY become the most popular person in the room.


Small candies

Reese's Pieces

Milk Duds

Pretzel M&Ms


Chocolate-covered peanuts

Candy bars

(You can buy minis or full-size bars; you'll need to chop them into smaller pieces either way.)



Nestle Crunch

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Kit Kats


Regular M&Ms

Peanut M&Ms

Chocolate sauce


Put all the small candies in first. Top with chocolate sauce. Chop any candy bars into small pieces that would fit into a spoon. Add chocolate syrup every few layers, mix it up. Garnish with M&Ms and more sauce. Eat with wild abandon.