1. The first time you took the plunge and blondenized your hair, this was your face when you looked in the mirror.
You were SO NERVOUS TO SEE IT, but when you realized it was perfect, your life changed for good. Why did it take you so long to do this?!
4. Maintaining your length has become a constant source of anxiety.
You’ve begrudgingly replaced your flat iron with an artillery of masks, protective sprays, and anti-breakage serums in the vain hope that your hair won’t break off more than it already has. You refuse to give up on the dream of an equine Britney-eqsue mane!!
5. But you’re still completely addicted to picking at your split ends.
Is there a version of that bad-tasting stuff you use to stop biting your nails for your head? Because you can’t stop messing with it at all. Maybe try hypnosis? Is that a real thing?
6. And your hairbrushes look like bales of hay if you don’t take good care of your delicate dye job.
Oh, did you look in the general direction of a swimming pool sometime this month? You’re gonna pay up big time in the form of enormous dried-out hair tumbleweeds after every time you brush for a while. Sexy!
7. When you bitch about the upkeep to a friend and they gently suggest that it might be easier to go back to your “real” color, you wonder if they even know you at all.
Don’t they understand that, as far as you’re concerned, this IS your real hair now? I swear, some people!
11. And when they warn that the dye might hurt your scalp a little, you’re like, “GOOD. CAN’T WAIT.”
Call it blondness-induced masochism, but you actually like the way the chemicals feel now. You know that the sting just means your hair is on its way to TOTAL PERFECTION.