1. [@TabloidArtHist] Celebrity life imitating art
'Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind' (detail) by Jean-Léon Gérôme, 1896. // Kim K looses her diamond ear… https://t.co/EnfKMIM9As
2. [@FakeScience] Fake learn some stuff!
It finally makes sense.
3. [@infinite_scream] Pretty much the only response to 2017
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
4. [@stats_canada] When you want made-up stats told to you in the politest way
84% of Canadian mothers would like you to dress in 79% more layers
5. [@tastefactory] Brooklynite and maker of clever ant-trap signs
Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you
6. [@dubstep4dads] The Twitter user who you pretend is your cool best friend
me, in bed with a girl: ive never done this before her: im sure youll do fine [i land a backflip perfectly] her: haha sick
7. [@Karate_Horse] A little NSFW, a little thought-provoking, always hilarious
What if you suddenly died for some reason while lying in a coffin. would they put you in a different coffin or use same one
8. [@ch000ch] Comedy writer and not actual owl person
me: are u sure u don't want more shrimp my date: I'm good me: because it's endless
9. [@jonnysun] All-around mega talent and funny person
set ur alarm to play the jurasic park theme song evry mornimg so when u groan abot not wanting to wake up u'll feel like a majestic dinosuar
10. [@KenJennings] Former Jeopardy champ, now hilarious Twitter person
Say what you will about white people, nobody is better at coming up with new ways to spell Hayley.
11. [@meganamram] The actual reigning queen of Twitter
I don't watch TV but I also don't read, I just try to see if I can get my tongue so far back in my throat that I choke on it
12. [@isacatinthesink] Heroically answering this pressing question
Yes