10 Baseball Leisure Time Names That Are All Better Than Bland And Embarrassing Bryce Harper

Because nobody wants to be named Bryce Harper.

1. Rusty Kuntz

Start with a lob right over the plate; current first base coach for the KC Royals. Surname aside, Rusty is just barely one hilarious step below Randy. Interestingly enough, Rusty Kuntz was Emma Stone’s high school nickname.

2. Rollie Fingers

Former 9th inning man Roland Glen Fingers backs up his porny name with an even pornier mustache. He built a career on closing the deal, and never used the dreaded “knuckler.”

3. Dick Pole

Twofer Tuesday. This name is better suited for NASCAR. Bonus points for the very real fact that Pole played minor league ball for the Portland Beavers.

4. Charlie Furbush

Sadly, Charlie Furbush never played for the Portland Beavers.

5. Harry Kuntashian

No picture of Kuntashian was available, and much like Chet Steadman he never ACTUALLY played in the Major Leagues. In 1938, however, he appeared in 21 minor league games, splitting time between the Charleston Senators and the Greenville Spinners.

6. Urban Shocker

Urban Shocker possessed all 5 of his fingers and a terrific name. Lesser known than its rural cousin, the urban shocker is best attempted while wearing a lifelike Spike Lee mask.

7. Doug Fister

Fister is currently a starting pitcher for the Washington Nationals. Any time he strikes out the side, he deploys the patented Tiger Woods Victory Fist Pump and proclaims, “Fister? I barely even know her”

8. Cannonball Titcomb

Titcomb pitched in the late 1800’s. Bonus points for a name that doubles as a WWF finishing move that doubles as a terrific name for a leisure time finishing move.

9. Johnny Dickshot

Insert joke here. Pun intended.

10. Heinie Meinie

Henry “Heinie” Meinie played Major League Baseball from 1922-1934. That period, much like anything before the 22nd date, was too early to meinie heinie.

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