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23 Things You Need ASAP If You’re 100% Over Bullshit

Because nobody has time for it.

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1. A precious double bird gnome you can sit just about anywhere to serve as the gatekeeper to your limited effs.

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Whether on your desk or in your yard, the tiny creature will shut down the crap in the biggest way.

Promising Review: “This is a very nice little gnome that conveys my appreciation for my neighbors precisely. I only wish that this was available in a much larger size so I could extend the greetings to a larger audience!” —Tony V

Get it from Amazon for $18.98 or 203 Brands for $24.99.

3. A bottle of seasoning so you can trade the Bull Shit for some Special Shit, Good Shit or Chicken Shit sure to change your life for the better. (Or at least your next meal.)

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Promising Review: “Special Shit seasoning is delicious. We use this on burgers going on the grill. We’ll add heirloom tomatoes, mustard, and an iceberg lettuce bun. It’s one of our favorite dinners. We received our first bottle as a gift and now it's a staple in our kitchen!” —Michel Creek

Get the seasonings from Amazon: Bull Shit for $14.90, Special Shit for $16.67, Aw Shit for $15.51, Chicken Shit for $15.51, and Good Shit for $15.26.

You can also get the Dip Shit fruit dip and Dip Shit veggie dip from Honey Hush Store for $3 each.

4. A crazy convenient CouchCoaster to hold a cup or bottle of your fave drink close at all times — because coffee, whiskey, and rosé will always keep it real.

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The coaster is weighted to prevent it from slipping off the couch’s arm.

Promising Review: “This is one of the best purchases I have made. It’s perfect for my laziness and fits on my super-wide couch arms!” —Hal

Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in five colors) or The Grommet for $19.95 (available in four colors).

5. And a pack of reusable bottle stoppers so your loyal wine, champagne, or beer can stay as fresh as the crap you have to deal with daily.

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Promising Review: What a genius idea! (Why didn't I come up with this?) There's not much to it. Simply open a bottle, be responsible and don't finish the entire bottle, and put one of these handy covers on it! They work well and will keep your beverage of choice fresh and crisp. I’m really impressed with these and will be including them in with adult beverage gift baskets!” —Alison

Get a five-pack from Amazon for $5.10 (available in two color assorted color options).

6. A bullshit button for alerting everyone you know — even if it’s just yourself — as soon as you are hit with a fresh round of the funky stuff.

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Promising Review: “This button arrived on time and worked perfectly! It was a present for a co-worker, and now the whole office wants one. We all love using it!” —Amazon Customer

Get them from Amazon: That’s Bullshit! Button for $10.99 and Official BS Button for $7.99.

7. A two-hand middle finger rearview mirror hanger that'll take your No Bullshit Tour on the road.

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Promising Review: “When this came, I was so happy to put it in my car. It fits perfectly and I love it!” —LaToya Thomas

Get it from Amazon for $13.99.

8. A No Bull Bullsh*t card game to upgrade your BS-detecting skills to unimaginable levels.

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Promising Review: We played this game at Christmas with friends. All my friends and family found this game to be hilarious. The age range was from 10 to 60. What a laugh we had. Just the perfect way to spend a relaxing Christmas evening. The game is meant for a laugh and it is not too serious. I have since bought copies for many friends who also find it great. —Patricia

Get it from Amazon for $15.18.

9. A Kaleidoscope vinyl so you and Kelis can yell "Caught Out There" at the top of your lungs — because you hate BS SO MUCH right now (and forever).

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Promising Review: “This is hands down Kelis' best work. She needs to get back in the studio with Pharrell ASAP! They have something special especially her and Pharell.” —Aaliyah Cashmere

Get it from Amazon for $5.99+ (available on MP3, Audio CD, Vinyl, and Audio Casette).

10. A Sound+Sleep machine for drowning out all the crap you don’t want to hear — and replacing it with the sweet sounds of nature. *relaxing sigh*

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The Sound+Sleep machine features 30 sound environments that don’t repeat, It also includes a sleep timer and adaptive sound, which will let it automatically adjust the audio volume for the best listening experience.


Promising Review:
“I love this machine and It works great! The volume actually does increase when it detects noise and then it goes back down when the noise stops.” —Amazon Customer

Get the Sound+Sleep from Amazon for $77.95 or the Sound+Sleep Mini for $67.99+ (available in two colors).

13. A subscription to Gaia for access to thousands of videos that'll help you disconnect from the madness while reconnecting with your more conscious self.

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Gaia includes tutorials and other programming related to yoga, self-help, as well as engaging documentaries and films you can access.

Get a subscription for $9.95 per month or a one-time annual fee of $95.40.

14. A BULLSHIT coloring book to look the BS directly in the face and attempt to color it away.

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Promising Review: “This is even better than the regular editions because it's on black paper! The artwork is exactly the same and actually has all the stuff from volume one and two in it. The paper is nice quality. The amount of pages is wonderful. The pictures are a full page in this version and intricate enough to keep you relaxed while coloring.” —RangBacon

Get it from Amazon for $5.22.

16. A Love Is Art kit so you and your sweetie can can release some stress while taking DIY to freaky new levels — surely enough excitement to help you completely forget the BS of the day.

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The kit includes a tarp to protect surfaces from paint splashes, two pairs of disposable slippers, a soft mesh body scrubber, cotton canvas, and bottle of non-toxic, washable, organic paint.

Promising Review: “This is amazing! I gave it to my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day and it was a great way to mix it up a little. I would recommend it to any couple!” —Rebecca

Get it from The Grommet for $60+ (available in five colors).

17. A key chain to inform the world that — unlike some perpetrators — you have no problem celebrating the hot mess that is your life.

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Promising Review: “This keychain’s plastic is very sturdy and the lettering is really cute. I’m so glad I got it!” —Angie

Get it from Urban Outfitters for $15 (available in five colors).

18. A copy of On Bullshit for an in-depth look into bullshit and what it may really mean for those who encounter and spread it. (Prepare to be shooketh).

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Promising Review: “This is a simple, short, approachable, fresh look at a common, even general, phenomenon. I appreciated Frankfurt's simple and memorable distinction between lies and BS, and why BS is actually the greater enemy of truth. That is one of those ‘keepers’ you hope to get from a work of practical philosophy.” —Xenophon

Get it from Amazon for $6.75 (available on Kindle and Hardcover).

22. A doormat guaranteed to keep any unwanted guests — and all their BS — from your home.

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Just be sure to inform the people you actually like that they can still come inside.

Promising Review: “I found this rug hilarious and immature, which was in line with what I wanted. The quality is a little more suited toward indoor rather than outdoor use. But this thing has gone through a handful of heavy Texas summer rainfalls, and the colors didn't bleed.” —Jennifer J

Get it from Amazon for $15.99 (available in two colors).

23. And a beekeeping kit if you want to replace your entire BS-filled crew of besties with some new damn bee-sties.

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This is clearly a last resort. But if your BS meter has maxed, a fresh crew of loyal bees may be your only hope.

The beekeeper kit includes everything you need to begin raising your own colony of bees. All you have to provide is the buzzing insects, which aren't included with the set.

Promising Review: “I am a beekeeper and wanted to see all of the different kinds of bee hives made throughout the US. This was the perfect beginner set. Everything came pre-assembled, lacquered for protection, and ready to go! It’s great quality and easy to follow manual to help anyone. I especially appreciated the inclusion of their Club. It allows me to ask questions when I need help.” —Alexandra

Get it from The Grommet for $399.

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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