1. A crying Kimoji sticker to stick on the mirror, notebook, phone, and maybe even face of your Kardashian-hating bestie.
2. A pretty hypoallergenic bangle to slip on on the days when your petty levels are ONE TRILLION.
3. A fuzzy googly creature phone case to let you and your phone’s over-it-ness be shown. Because FOUR sideyes are so much better than two.
4. An embroidered hat—eff your sleeve and wear your emotions on your forehead.
5. A deck of affirmation cards to help you discover your inner strength and for avoiding situations that may annoy you.
6. A precious pin to add to your coat as a reminder to speak no evil — which actually translates to “sometimes you should keep your damn mouth closed.”
7. Quiet—a book that may inspire yourself to listen just a little bit more than you speak — at least for a few days.
8. A pack of TONYMOLY I’m Real sheet masks for living in your petty truth while making your skin feel hydrated and refreshed.
9. Throw on an extremely honest T-shirt every computer fiend needs ASAP — because we know you're tired of being asked about EVERY tech issue.
10. A set of heart pins to share with with your partner in all petty crimes — we know you can’t always do it alone.
11. The first and second seasons of Insecure for a expert lesson on navigating and controlling your petty — and the petty of those around you.
12. A message bar bracelet or initial bangle to remind you to stay focused on the things that don’t annoy the crap out of you.
13. A dope T-shirt exclaiming probably one of the pettiest phrases of all time.
14. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People—add it to your reading list, so you can learn ways to be your best in your personal, professional, and petty life.
15. An adorable T-shirt so your little ones can brag about just how much they love mommy and all her fabulously petty ways.
16. A slightly shady mug for offering encouragement to the equally petty people around you.
17. A pre-shrunk crewneck tee for that demands respect for your petty and all it has to offer..
18. And finally—Keep It Shut.
But remember that a little pettiness in moderation is just fine. Because sometimes you just have to take it there.
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.