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We Need To Talk About John Cena

He’s on a hell of a roll.

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Unless you’ve been living under THE Rock, you know John Cena. But, do you know how ridiculously awesome he is. Prepare to be ENLIGHTENED.

John came into the spotlight for his mad wrestling skills and has racked up a lot of WWE attention, good and bad. Whichever way you see him, you can’t deny that John is one of the WWE’s top dogs.

He’s a 16-time World Champion and five-time U.S. champion (WTF have you done lately?) with a good-guy persona that will. not. budge.
John Cena / Via Facebook: johncena

He’s a 16-time World Champion and five-time U.S. champion (WTF have you done lately?) with a good-guy persona that will. not. budge.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that he released a rap album, You Can’t See Me.

View this video on YouTube

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We should all make ringtones a thing again JUST so his entrance theme, “The Time Is Now,” can get the justice it deserves.

He’s also, you know, really fucking hot.

Those abs tho.
John Cena / Via Facebook: johncena

Those abs tho.

~ SWOON ~

Finally, reason to go to the gym...to see these.
John Cena / Via Facebook: johncena

Finally, reason to go to the gym...to see these.

One more for good measure.

So, this is love.
John Cena / Via Facebook: johncena

So, this is love.

He’s so fine that you can look past his signature, but ugly AF, shorts.

What shorts?
John Cena / Via Facebook: johncena

What shorts?

Come to think of all this, I’m not convinced that John isn’t an actual superhero. I mean, he LITERALLY fights bad guys for a living.

WWE / Via media.giphy.com

Merriam-Webster defines a superhero as: “fictional hero having extraordinary or superhuman powers; also: an exceptionally skillful or successful person.” Ok, fictional? This is wrestling so, um, yeah — not real. Extraordinary or superhuman powers? Guy is ripped. Skillful and successful? Hello, he’s one of the funniest parts in an Amy Schumer movie.

Now, don’t EVEN get me started on his heart, which is as big and beautiful as his bulging muscles. Homeboy has granted more than 500 wishes through Make-A-Wish Foundation. It’s official: I’m weeping.

I can’t even think of 500 things I’ve done, let alone 500 good things that have changed the world for the better. Hate myself, but love him and his giving heart that’s like the Grinch’s at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 1966 TV movie, obvi).
Make-A-Wish Foundation / Via wish.org

I can’t even think of 500 things I’ve done, let alone 500 good things that have changed the world for the better. Hate myself, but love him and his giving heart that’s like the Grinch’s at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 1966 TV movie, obvi).

When John isn’t tearing up the ring, being a better person than you or appearing alongside his girlfriend and fellow wrestler Nikki Bella on Total Divas and Total Bellas, he’s hosting ALL THE SHOWS.

NBC / Via media.giphy.com

There's American Grit, the ESPYs, the Teen Choice Awards, and the Kids’ Choice Awards. Oh, and he hosted Saturday Night Live, too.

Then, there’s John Silver Screen-a.

View this video on YouTube

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Trainwreck, Daddy’s Home, Sisters — yeah, he’s pretty busy. Let’s not forget Daddy’s Home 2 and The Pact up ahead.

All things considered, there seem to be some parallels between John and another certain wrestler-turned-performer with a ton of personality…

Fanny pack and lean take it to a whole other level.. #90sRock #WTF #BuffLesbian

Dwayne Johnson / Via Twitter: @TheRock
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