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59 Thoughts You Have When Your Period Is About To Start

Is that a cramp, or just gas??

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1. Fuck.

2. Shit.

3. Goddamnit.

4. Son of a bitch.

5. Fuck this shit.

6. I'm so over this.

7. I've BEEN over this.

8. Why haven't we evolved past this yet?

9. We can put a man on the moon but we can't find better ways of staying fertile?

10. This is such bullshit.

11. I'm not ready yet!

12. Isn't it too soon?

13. I swear I JUST stopped bleeding, like, 3 days ago.

14. I was gonna wear the cutest white leggings tomorrow. Guess that's out.

15. Ooh, I should take Advil.

16. I don't have cramps now but they're coming.

17. Let me just enjoy these final cramp-free moments.

18. Why are cramps even necessary?

19. Waking up in a pool of my own blood isn't punishment enough?

20. Fucking Eve.

21. This is all Eve's fault.

22. She just haaaad to eat that apple, didn't she.

23. Wait, why do we blame Eve for this?

24. Blame the snake! He's the one who offered it to her!

25. And how come nobody's mad at Adam?

26. He was as weak as Eve was but nobody's mad at him.

27. Weak ass Adam.

28. Men are so weak.

29. Men could never do this.

30. Can you imagine a man on his period?

31. "Waaah, my dick is bleeding, I'm going to start a war."

32. Men are hot, though.

33. And fun to have sex with.

34. Ugh, I can't have sex now.

35. Well, I could if I put some towels down.

36. And if I had someone to have sex with.

37. Since I can't have sex I should get lots of snacks.

38. I'm going to buy snacks and sit in the dark and just wait for Armageddon to happen in my panties.

39. Doing this every month just seems excessive.

40. I'm tired of this.

41. I don't want to do this.

42. I heard if you drink vinegar it will stop your period. I wonder if it's too late to drink vinegar.

43. Ooh, I should get salt and vinegar chips.

44. I think it started.

45. Is that a cramp or gas?

46. Yeah, that was definitely gas.

47. Why is period gas so awful?!

48. And the poops, omg.

49. At least I can look forward to a good, cleansing, I-feel-5-pounds-lighter poop this week.

50. I think it started for real this time.

51. Wait…no it hasn't.

52. …Has it?

53. I should go to the bathroom and check.

54. But if I go all the way to the bathroom and it hasn't started I'm gonna be SO MAD.

55. I think I'm safe, it hasn't started.

56. Nope, definitely started.

57. RIP to my favorite panties.

58. At least I'm not pregnant!

59. Still, fuck this shit.

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