1. Drinks with the Boys
Before: The perfect night you can't remember.
After: The best way to start the morning.
2. Personal Possessions
Before: Very cool things for your very cool life.
After: Very tasty toys.
3. The Genie
Before: A magical man rumored to appear after rubbing an antique lamp.
After: A place to hold your kid's poop.
4. Game Night
Before: So good it hurts.
After: It hurts.
Before: A very expensive four-year party.
After: The very expensive four-year party that you're paying for this time around.
7. Sweet Threads
Before: Professional sexy.
After: Baby sass.
8. Sick Whip
Before: The most beautiful vehicle you'll ever own.
After: The vehicle your beautiful baby pukes in.
9. Upper Management
Before: Working for mo' money, acquiring mo' problems.
After: Coaching for no money. Killing it, no problem.
10. Social Media
Before: Where you post about your exciting life.
After: Where you post pics of your adorable child's exciting life.
11. Working Out
Before: Conquering the gym.
After: Being conquered.
Before: Kind of gross.
After: Kind of awesome.