We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the funniest things they've heard others say or do in their sleep. The people have spoken (awake and asleep), and here's what they said!
1. Once when my dad and I were on holiday in the Canary Islands, he was asleep and bolted up, moved his hands as if he was showing someone around a room and said, ‘Peacocks, peacocks everywhere.’"
2. "One time I woke up to my boyfriend having a full conversation with a hotel receptionist, complaining about the room we were staying in and asking to be moved to a better one. (We were in bed at home...)"
"Another time, as I was leaving for work one morning, he said, 'So you'll get those drum parts over to me this afternoon?' I was in a rush so I just said, 'Yeah, sure', to which he replied, 'Great, just pop them in the Whatsapp Group.'"
3. "My husband sleep talks almost nightly. I record him often and also write down some of the funnier ones. Here are my top 3:
'Nope, not that nope Mr Nope sir.'
'Doorknobs, who are you?'
Singing: 'Buns buns buns buns buns in ovens full of buns."
4. "I’ll never forget it — in a sing-song voice my mum goes, 'A string for a chair, a string for a chair, I’ll trade you this string for that lovely chair.'"
5. "Once, my husband turned to me in bed and said 'Get out' in the angriest and sharpest voice, like he was shouting at me. I was really worried until he said 'Meow' and started snoring."
6. "My partner sat bolt upright in bed and said, 'I’ve gotta buy One Tree Hill' laid back down and went straight back to sleep. He had no recollection or any clue why when I told him about it the next day."
7. "The bed started shaking one night and I looked over to my partner to find him fist-pumping, saying 'I’m on Dancing With The Stars.'”
8. "I once punched my boyfriend in my sleep and screamed 'Stop pouring gravy on me, you dick!' I woke up to him very confused and with a swollen eye. I felt so guilty."
9. "My husband once pushed me out of bed and demanded that I, 'Get the coffee pot.' We don’t even own a coffee pot…"
10. "My husband, years ago in his sleep said, 'Oh yes that is some impressive straight-lined cartography.' I still tease him about it."
11. "There's a banana at the window and he's got a knife!"
12. "My former boyfriend, in his sleep, once grabbed my shoulders from behind and yanked me up to his face to loudly whisper in my ear 'The bank. They're taking all my earnings.'
13. "I was once on my phone just trying to fall asleep, when I heard my cousin say 'I'm snoring so much that I'm now a daisy.' We both still don't understand what it means to this day."
14. "I have an entire section on my notes app for when my partner sleep-talks:
'After a long selection process, the heroes are kid-friendly.'
'If you can’t handle the heat, then you shouldn’t have gone into a life of crime.'
'If you said to me you could fit a car in there I’d say no, but if you look at the size of the gap' *farts*."
15. “How do lions eat their pizza? They don’t have pizza cutters!”
16. "I actually wake myself up from my sleep-talking quite regularly, but one was so weird that I wrote it down, 'I've eaten all the ramen packs, nothing can destroy me.' Which I hope will be engraved on my tombstone after I die."
17. "I had a ex-boyfriend who, fully asleep, sat straight up in bed and said, 'I can't pay, the elephants have stolen all my credit cards.'
18. "My husband once said in his sleep, 'NASCAR is our best source of meat.'"
19. "One time overnight at a festival, my ex woke me by saying, 'I’ll drive the ambulance if you get the fish out of the jungle.'"
20. "My husband sleep-talks so much I’ve started writing down everything he says. Here are a few:
'Who gave that bee a champagne glass? Bees shouldn’t be drinking champagne'
'No one wants wieners in their stuffing'
'Why are there witches here? You are not allowed to do magic. We will know. Witches are not allowed at this dinner!'"
21. "I was told by an ex-girlfriend, that I switched between four languages in one night while sleeping. She didn't understand when I spoke German or Russian, but when I spoke Spanish she caught the words, "¡Mira, Soy un pollito!'"
Some submissions have be edited for length and/or clarity!