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How Good Is Your Pub Etiquette?

Are you one of those people?

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  1. 1. Tick every one of these that you've done.

    Left the pub before buying a round.
    Let someone buy two rounds before buying one yourself.
    Waited outside “to finish your cigarette” to avoid buying the first round.
    Pretended you’d already bought a round when you hadn’t.
    Tried to pour your own pint.
    Brought your own booze into a pub so you can afford to keep drinking.
    Ordered before someone despite knowing they got to the bar first.
    Told the bar staff you got to the bar first when actually you didn’t.
    Pushed past someone to get to the bar.
    Not noticed the bar staff trying to take your order because you’re too busy chatting with friends.
    Not noticed the bar staff trying to take your order because you’re too busy on your phone.
    Added an extra drink to your order right at the end.
    Added several extra drinks to your order right at the end.
    Added extra drinks to your order more than once in the same round.
    Added extra drinks to your order despite having already paid.
    Stood at the bar for about half an hour adding more and more drinks to your order until you’ve basically bought a drink for everybody in the pub except the person who was behind you in the queue.
    Shouted your order to a friend at the front of the queue even though they’d clearly finished ordering already.
    Insisted on tasting every beer on offer before buying.
    Lectured the barman on how to pour a pint.
    Paid on card when there's a massive queue behind you.
    Loudly complained about “the price of a pint these days” at the bar.
    Loudly complained about the decor.
    Loudly complained about the bar staff.
    Loudly complained about the other customers.
    Pleaded to be allowed juss ooooooneee moooooreeee driiiinnkkk at closing time.
    Declared your love to the person behind the bar.
    Hogged the pool table.
    Hogged the quiz machine.
    Hogged the jukebox.
    Spilled a friend’s drink.
    Spilled a stranger’s drink.
    Spilled a stranger’s drink and not offered to buy them a replacement.
    Spilled a stranger’s drink deliberately and pretended it was an accident.
    Told someone a chair wasn’t free when it really was.
    Kept a table you hadn’t reserved despite not knowing when your friends would show up.
    Sat on your own at a big table despite knowing nobody else was joining you.
    Lied about whether other people were joining you when somebody else asked if they could sit at your table.
    Left a single coat on a chair to reserve a table while going to chat with people outside for half an hour.
    Got stroppy when you came back in and someone had sat down there.
    Taken all the chairs from a table, leaving people awkwardly standing around a chairless table.
    Left your drink on someone else’s table without asking.
    Sat down at someone else’s table without asking.
    Invited all your friends to sit down at someone else’s table without asking.
    Sat down at an empty table despite the fact that there was a coat on one of the chairs, clearly reserving it.
    Asked for the TV to be turned off while people are watching football because you want to have conversation with your mates.
    Physically turned the TV off yourself.
    Asked for the TV to be turned on so you can watch the football despite the fact that loads of people are having a conversation.
    Physically turned the TV on yourself.
    Thrown up in the toilets.
    Thrown up in the bar.
    Thrown up on the bar.
    Thrown up on the bar staff.
    Thrown up somewhere in the pub and not told anybody.
    Thrown up somewhere in the pub and tried to blame someone else.
    “Borrowed” someone’s newspaper.
    “Borrowed” someone’s cigarettes.
    “Borrowed” someone’s pint.
    “Borrowed” someone’s wallet.
    Had a really loud laugh.
    Loudly discussed your sex life.
    Loudly discussed somebody else’s sex life.
    Loudly discussed your bowel movements.
    Loudly discussed someone else’s bowel movements.
    Just been really loud basically.
    Started a football chant in a pub when there wasn’t football on.
    Tried to start some “banter” with a stranger.
    Tried to start some “banter” with several strangers.
    Almost started a fight.
    Actually started a fight.

How Good Is Your Pub Etiquette?

You are a pub saint. You are thoughtful, considerate, and generous to all around you. You probably have to wait a bloody age to get served, though.

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Your pub etiquette is pretty good — you know the unspoken rules, and you're thoughtful toward other pub-goers. But you're not averse to a little queue jumping if it's particularly busy...

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Your pub etiquette isn't the best. You're not a monster, but you know the rules — and you don't play by them. But you probably get served before other people, and there's nobody better at getting a table.

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You are a pub sinner. You see going to the pub as a contest you're determined to win, and you don't care what happens to those who get in your way. On the plus side, bet you always get served first.

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