Cinema Is In Danger Of Running Out Of Dimensions

Have we reached Peak D?

1. In the beginning, films were in two dimensions. Boring, boring 2D.

2. But then 3D happened. A whole extra dimension!

3. It was really exciting.

4. But eventually, the buzz of 3D just wasn’t enough. We wanted more. More!

6. Still, that’s probably enough dimensions. I think we can leave it at that.

 

7. Oh. OK then.

8. But don’t worry. I’m sure five is enough. I can’t see any way that we’ll need any more than tha-

 

10. But there, at least, it stops. There’s obviously no such things as seven dimensional cinema, because that simply wouldn’t make sen-

12. Superstring theory predicts that our universe has ten dimensions.

13. This means that at the current rate of increase, cinema will exceed the number of dimensions in our reality some time in the next ten years.

As such, when Avengers III: Rise Of The Bees is released in 2018, it will only be viewable on a hyperscreen in the shape of Calabi–Yau manifold, and the only device capable of projecting the film will be the Large Hadron Collider. By the time Avengers IV: The Rage Of Clouds comes out in 2022, audiences will have to leave our physical reality behind and become beings of pure mind in order to find out whether Iron Kid and Robothor can defeat the rain elves.

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Tom Phillips is the UK editorial director for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
 
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