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26 People Who Failed So Hard At The English Language They Almost Won

Don't be ostrich-sized for your beliefs in this doggy-dog world.

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1. "Eggcorns" for "acorns"

2. "In the feeble position" for "in the foetal position"

Gonna go cry in the feeble position for a bit brb.

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3. "Youthamism" for "euphemism"

Come dine with me down under sounds slightly youthamistic

4. "Ostrich-sized" for "ostracised"

When arguing against folks being pro-Black goes wrong... #OstrichSized

5. "Doggy-dog world" for "dog-eat-dog world"

I used to think the term was "its a doggy dog world" Thank God someone corrected me bk then, cuz thats not the sort of world I wanna live in

6. "Pass mustard" for "pass muster"

You know this new security at the ballyard is never going to pass mustard. Already much grumbling amongst various #BlueJays scribes.

7. "Bloodgeon" for "bludgeon"

Democracy means simply the bloodgeoning of the people,by the people,for the people !!

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8. "Coal-hearted" for "cold-hearted"

@joeyaiello only http://t.co/VLakJlBJ9n was available. The coal-hearted owners of http://t.co/Nb6Qvl9mtU won't respond to my e-mails.

9. "Pre-madonna" for "prima donna"

What's a pre-madonna??? Is it someone who is about to turn into madonna??? ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

10. "A grain assault" for "a grain of salt"

My mom thought that the saying "take it with a grain of salt" was said "take it with a grain assault" ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

11. "A hare's breath" for "a hair's breadth"

times I think we're not a hare's breath away from some sort eugenic hybrid process made to look as necessary efficiencies. @christoclifford

12. "Exercise my demons" for "exorcise my demons"

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13. "Take for granite" for "take for granted"

My parents are a blessing that sometimes I take for granite.

14. "Bobwire" for "barbed wire"

I don't understand how my truck can run through a Bobwire fence and be perfectly fine #whoops

15. "Internally grateful" for "eternally grateful"

If someone would come feed me croissants and hold me while i do my dissertation, I would be internally grateful <3 #dissertationn #needsleep

16. "Nip it in the butt" for "nip it in the bud"

Feeling a lil sick... Airborne +Multivitamin + Day Quill = Nip it in the butt. #NoDaysOff #health #GoodMorning

17. "Social morays" for "social mores"

@casey_online my goal for the day is to navigate the complex social morays of snapchat nude culture

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18. "French benefits" for "fringe benefits"

@ClayTravisBGID @UKBleedingBlue remind me again how many employees oktc has? Do they offer a 401k and insurance? French benefits? ๐Ÿ˜

19. "Spear of influence" for "sphere of influence"

@nytimes The ol' KGB agent only wants to reestablish the former Russian spear of influence. He will continue to threaten until he's gone.

20. "Handsome cab" for "Hansom cab"

TIL itโ€™s not called a handsome cab.

21. "Old timer's disease" for "Alzheimer's disease"

If Rubio is to young to be president, prune hilly must be way to old. She could have old timers disease already

22. "Firstable" for "first of all"

@camilacabello97 firstable, violet becomes a blueberry. and they juice her she doesnt blow up jfc get ur facts straight

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23. "The crutch of the matter" for "the crux of the matter"

I think @MendyWax just got to the crutch of the matter. The President of the United States won't follow the rules. Why should anyone else?

24. "Damp squid" for "damp squib"

Looks like the new professional UKIP manifesto was a bit of a damp squid........ http://t.co/sQYoEKmpx8

25. "Chickens come home to roast" for "chickens come home to roost"

Looks like life has caught up with him!! A matter of chickens coming home to roast. Vick #SugeKnight throw the book. Fuck him

26. "Lack toast and tolerant" for "lactose intolerant"

All of these inventive misspellings (apart from "ostrich-sized") are taken from the brilliant "Eggcorn Database", a project by linguists and bloggers Arnold Zwicky and Ben Zimmer devoted to "collecting the kind of unusual English spellings that have come to be called eggcorns". The linguistics blog Language Log has also been observing eggcorns for some years, and the term was invented by Language Log contributor Geoff Pullum.

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