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19 Things Every Guy Who Hates Shaving Will Understand

No I'm not growing a beard, I just can't be arsed getting rid of it.

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1. You'll do anything to avoid shaving. Razors are nasty little torture devices.

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Using a razor is like dragging a set of tiny, incredibly sharp blades over your skin. Because that's exactly and literally what it is.

2. First you bleed…

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3. …then you go bright red…

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4. …then you break out in a horrible rash.

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5. And no amount of soothing aloe vera bullshit or after-shave balm bollocks will make the faintest difference.

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"Try our magic snake oil lotion!" *face bursts out in spots anyway*

6. Electric razors are no better. They just pull out your hair by the roots.

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One by one.

7. And it's not as if shaving makes you look GOOD. Shaving makes you look like a tiny child.

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8. When you've finished, you'll definitely have missed a spot.

So you look like a total bellend. The worst is when you miss the little bit under your bottom lip so it looks like you've deliberately grown a soul patch.

If that happens you just have to leave the country, move to a remote part of central Asia, and live as a hermit for the rest of your life. It's best for everybody concerned.

9. And the sink is full of tiny hairs, and no matter how hard you try to clean it, there will ALWAYS be just enough left to annoy your SO/housemates.


10. So you don't shave. And that's fine for a few days, or even a week or two. You look rugged. You look good.

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Actual author photo.

11. You're like, "I've cracked it. I need never shave again."

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12. "I can just grow a truly magnificent beard, and be wise, like Gandalf, or Al off of Home Improvement."

Mmm hmm.
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Mmm hmm.

13. "This is going to be great."

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14. Then it starts to itch.

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15. "This is not comfortable."

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16. But you plough on. That awesome beard is just over the horizon. You can see it. Taste it.

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17. But it's. So. Itchy.

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18. So you give up.

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19. And the great cycle begins again.

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