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19 Things Only Science-Geek Parents Will Understand

"Who's my cheeky little monkey? Who? Not you, son. You are an ape. Get it right."

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1. You can't watch films with them without pointing out the OBVIOUS SCIENTIFIC ERRORS.

YouTube / Comedy Central / Via youtu.be

"The machines couldn't run the Matrix like that. They'd expend much more energy feeding the humans than they'd get out of them as batteries. It's the second law of thermodynamics for God's sake."

2. Not to mention their damn children's books.

"Yes, I know it says Mr Sploshy is a fish, but actually he's a squid. A mollusc."
By user:Stilfehler (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons / Via commons.wikimedia.org

"Yes, I know it says Mr Sploshy is a fish, but actually he's a squid. A mollusc."

3. Their existence is an excuse for you to play with chemistry sets and bottle rockets.

Giphy / Via giphy.com

"Come on, kids! Come and blow some stuff up with daddy!"

4. And you know how to do seriously cool things with cornflour and water.

FuckYeahPhysica / Tumblr / Via fuckyeahphysica.tumblr.com

I can make you walk on water, kids. If you have enough cornflour. You'll need quite a lot of cornflour.

5. Or even a humble balloon.

Pat David / Flickr / Via Flickr: patdavid

6. Your kids are all named after geek heroes.

Like little Ada Marie and her brother Darwin Berners-Lee.
By Alfred Edward Chalon - Science & Society Picture Library / Via biography.com

Like little Ada Marie and her brother Darwin Berners-Lee.

7. You put them in front of David Attenborough documentaries instead of Peppa Pig.

BBC / Giphy / Via giphy.com

Not that there's anything wrong with Peppa Pig.

8. You've spent holidays hunting for fossils on beaches…

By William Warby from London, England (Ammonite) [CC BY 2.0 (creativecommons.org], via Wikimedia Commons / Via commons.wikimedia.org

9. …and traipsing around science museums.

By Original uploader was ByB at fr.wikipedia - Transferred from http://fr.wikipedia; transferred to Commons by User:Padawane using CommonsHelper., CC BY-SA 2.5 / Via commons.wikimedia.org

10. You don't mind them dyeing their hair or getting tattoos, but if they start banging on about how the theory of evolution is "only a theory", they're grounded on the spot.

Apatow Productions / Via giphy.com

11. You struggle to keep your mouth shut when another parent says they don't vaccinate their kids.

Memegenerator / Lions Gate Films / Via memegenerator.net

12. Or when they mention that Baby Mozart bullshit.

Anonymous possibly by Pietro Antonio Lorenzoni (1721-1782) - rmc.library.cornell.edu Portrait owned by the Mozarteum, Salzburg, Public Domain / BuzzFeed / Via commons.wikimedia.org

13. You know you're programmed to love them by hundreds of millions of years of evolution.

Apart from me. My kids are actually the best. But the rest of you, totally programmed.
ThinkStock

Apart from me. My kids are actually the best. But the rest of you, totally programmed.

14. You like telling them that their great-great-250,000-or-so-great grandmother was an ape.

"And your 250,000th-or-so cousin is a chimp, as well."
Paranthropus boisei, an early human ancestor. Art by Cicero Moraes and 3D scanning of the skull by Dr. Moacir Elias Santos. - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0 / Via en.wikipedia.org

"And your 250,000th-or-so cousin is a chimp, as well."

15. You embarrass them when you talk about how unlikely it is that THAT SPERM met THAT EGG and made THEM.

Every time you try to explain the colossal coincidence of their birth, they say "EEEWW DAD STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR SPERM".
ThinkStock

Every time you try to explain the colossal coincidence of their birth, they say "EEEWW DAD STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR SPERM".

16. You're as obsessed with dinosaurs as they are.

XKCD / Randall Munroe / Via xkcd.com

17. And space.

Bruce McCandless on a spacewalk in 1984. Nasa / Via nasa.gov

18. Sometimes it's scary thinking of how tiny they are and how massive and uncaring the universe is.

By NASA, ESA, and the Hubble Heritage Team (STScI/AURA) - hubblesite.org Public Domain / Via commons.wikimedia.org

19. But even though you know they're infinitesimal specks in a vast uncaring cosmos, they're your infinitesimal specks.

SMBC / Zach Weinersmith / Via smbc-comics.com