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New Yorkers Know You're A Tourist When:

Hint: Non-New Yorkers tend to give too many fucks.

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1. You Pay Attention to Street Performers

Kimberly Gedeon

There could be a goat in stilettos doing the "Macarena" in the middle of the train and New Yorkers still wouldn't give enough fucks to look up from their Instagram feeds.

By not giving street dancers the time of day, New Yorkers are covertly saying "Fuck off! It's too early for this sh**!"

But there's always a select few who give these street dancers the time of day - tourists! They sit there with their jaws dropped and eyes widened at performance. They glance around looking for someone, anyone, to share in their glee of this free NYC subway entertainment, but all they will see are people either sleeping or their heads buried in a newspaper.

Sorry, you're on your own!

2. You Acknowledge Celebrities

Kimberly Gedeon

New Yorkers are pretty egalitarian and treat everyone the same - like shit.

Most of us do not care whether you won three Grammys or milk cows on a farm. You will still get shoved to the side for a good seat on the train.

Many New Yorkers are so pressed for time, they cannot even fathom carving out a second of their day to fangirl over some heartthrob who passed them on the street. We've got to get from A to B, period.

Yeah, that was [insert celebrity] that just passed, but IDGAF, I'll see him when I watch the next episode of [insert TV show] or something.

A non-New Yorker, however, will expose his or her non-New Yorkiness by the whole OMG-faint-selfie-autograph-I'm-your-biggest-fan spectacle. *Gag*

3. You Don't Know How to Navigate the Fast-Paced NYC Sidewalks

Kimberly Gedeon

There's an art to navigating through busy NYC streets. To avoid being slowed down by barricades of morons, it requires the perfect pace, spot-on zig zagging, and bold, assertive "excuse mes."

It takes years of experience to master, which is why tourists will make themselves known by schlepping like slug, fucking up the NYC rhythm and pace. We welcome tourists with open arms, but if there's one thing a New Yorker hates the most, it's being slowed down!

If you are just so awestruck by the sights and skyscrapers, please be a dear and get off the fast lane. Step off to the side and admire NYC in all its glory from under a store awning.

4. You Don't Have the NYC Resting Bitch Face

All of us New Yorkers, at one point, smiled.

And never did it again.

It welcomes a whole bunch of unwanted advances - pushy people trying to sell us stuff, aggressive Lotharios trying to get your number, and uninvited conversations.

Then we slapped on a frown and, suddenly, no one wants to fuck with us. That's when the New York resting bitch face was born - it's the only way to survive in the concrete jungle.

So when we see someone plastered with that happy-go-lucky look on, we know ... We just fucking know.

5. You Fumble With Your Metrocard at the Turnstile

A real New Yorker flies through the turnstile with one easy swipe of their Metrocard and sashays away to catch the train like a boss.

Swiping your Metrocard at the turnstile requires the right speed and finesse - too slow or too fast, the turnstile will yell at you.

Tourists will have those NYC turnstiles reprimanding the ever living shit out of them as they fumble with their Metrocards and grow anxious as everyone else slips through with just one flick of the wrist.

Now just because we can spot you doesn't mean we don't love the lovely visitors who tour our city. We simply think, "tourist," and then go about our day dodging subway rats and lurching for train seats.

The typical New Yorker does not have any fucks to give. So as long as you don't screw around with what they value the most (hint: their time), it's all good in the hood.

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