The Top Ten Music Festival Monsters

Why do you have to go and ruin my four days of paradise?

10. Whoever The F%#@k Does the Scheduling

tumblr.com

9. Brands Egregiously Giving Out Free Samples

8. Anyone Giving Away "Free Hugs

tumblr.com

Because the first thing I want to do day 4 into Coachella is hug your sweat glazed body

7. The People Selling Food At Their Tent

tumblr.com

Are you a registered food vendor, or are you trying to scrape together money for acid?

6. The Guy Who Thinks It Is Funny to Bring A Sign

tumblr.com

We don’t care about your friend nor do we care about your witty comments. Have some respect for the people behind you

5. The People Who Think It Is Still Cool to Crowd-Surf

tumblr.com

Seriously, have some respect for your fellow festival go-ers. The last thing we want is an elbow to the jaw from My Morning Jacket’s biggest fan.

4. Parents Who Bring Their Toddlers

tumblr.com

My parents brought me to plenty of concerts when I was a little kid. But there’s a huge difference between being taken to a Billy Joel show and seeing GWAR at Bonnaroo. Your kids won’t even remember going in a few years anyway.

3. Overdressed People

tumblr.com

For my first Bonnaroo I packed two pairs of skinny jeans, a couple of t-shirts, a sweater in case it got cold, and my new pair of leather boots. I fucked up…

It’s 99 degrees outside; put on a pair or shorts, a tank-top, and the pair of shoes you don’t mind being decimated.

2. Anyone in a Green Man Suit

tumblr.com

The episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia came out in where Charlie wears one came out in 2007… Grow up and get yourself one of those furry hat things that you can also tuck your hands into

1. The Person Who Asks if You've Seen Their Friend Molly

tumblr.com

If you cared so much, then you would have brought it with you.