Skip To Content
Homepage
Sign In
Search BuzzFeed
California residents can opt out of "sales" of personal data.
© 2020 BuzzFeed, Inc
  • Quiz badge
May 19, 2020

Only Truly Funny People Can Finish These John Mulaney Quotes – Can You?

STREET SMARTS!

  1. I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll ___.

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Die

    Via Netflix

  2. I am very small, and I have no ____.

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Money

    Via Netflix

  3. "Hey, look at that high-waisted man! He got feminine hips!" And I'm like,
    "No! ____!"

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    That's the thing I'm sensitive about

    Via Netflix

  4. Being married is so nice. I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel _________.

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Make you feel better about yourself

    Via Netflix

  5. And then [my father] said the following, “You know, Leonard Bernstein… was one of the great composers and conductors of the 20th century, but sometimes he would be ____."

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Gay

    Via Netflix

  6. And Mick Jagger said.... "I can't get no..." "___?" "NO!"

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Happiness

    Via Netflix

  7. My dad goes, “How was school today?” I said, “It was good, but someone pushed Tyler off the seesaw.” “And where were you?” “I was over on the _________.” “And what did you do?” “Nothing. I was over on the _________."

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Bench

    Via Netflix

  8. And they go, “You’re a ________, aren’t you?” and I go, “Noooo!” and they go, “SAY IT!’ and I go, “I’m a _________.”

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Little fat girl

    Via Netflix

  9. My dad once grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me up during church and said, “_____ can’t hear you.”

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    God

    Via Netflix

  10. I went, “Hey! I’m gonna be a Democrat. And I’m gonna vote for Bill Clinton.” And without looking up at me, my dad just said, “You have the moral backbone of a ________.”

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Chocolate Éclair

    Via Netflix

  11. Like the back of a _______, my back.

    Correct! 
    Wrong! 

    Dolphin

    Via Netflix
Not Available For Your Device

Share This Article

Create your own post!

This post was created by a member of the BuzzFeed Community.You can join and make your own posts and quizzes.

Sign up to create your first post!

BuzzFeed Quizzes
 

Sign up to the BuzzFeed Quizzes Newsletter - Binge on the latest quizzes delivered right to your inbox with the Quizzes newsletter!

Newsletter signup form