Community·Posted on May 19, 2020Only Truly Funny People Can Finish These John Mulaney Quotes – Can You?STREET SMARTS!by thespiancucumberCommunity ContributorApproved and edited by BuzzFeed Community TeamFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll ___. Die Correct Incorrect Die Explode Correct Incorrect Explode Perish Correct Incorrect Perish Breakdown Correct Incorrect Breakdown Correct! Wrong! Die Via Netflix I am very small, and I have no ____. Motivation Correct Incorrect Motivation Money Correct Incorrect Money Self-esteem Correct Incorrect Self-esteem Energy Correct Incorrect Energy Correct! Wrong! Money Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via Netflix "Hey, look at that high-waisted man! He got feminine hips!" And I'm like,"No! ____!" That's my biggest insecurity Correct Incorrect That's my biggest insecurity That's what I'm most self-conscious about Correct Incorrect That's what I'm most self-conscious about That's the thing I'm sensitive about Correct Incorrect That's the thing I'm sensitive about I'm telling your mom on you Correct Incorrect I'm telling your mom on you Correct! Wrong! That's the thing I'm sensitive about Via Netflix Being married is so nice. I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel _________. Like you're not a giant pile of sh*t Correct Incorrect Like you're not a giant pile of sh*t Like you weren't being cheated on Correct Incorrect Like you weren't being cheated on Like you weren't in jail Correct Incorrect Like you weren't in jail Make you feel better about yourself Correct Incorrect Make you feel better about yourself Correct! Wrong! Make you feel better about yourself Via Netflix And then [my father] said the following, “You know, Leonard Bernstein… was one of the great composers and conductors of the 20th century, but sometimes he would be ____." Gay Correct Incorrect Gay Smart Correct Incorrect Smart A Democrat Correct Incorrect A Democrat A gentleman Correct Incorrect A gentleman Correct! Wrong! Gay Via Netflix And Mick Jagger said.... "I can't get no..." "___?" "NO!" Satifaction Correct Incorrect Satifaction Sleep Correct Incorrect Sleep Happiness Correct Incorrect Happiness Joy Correct Incorrect Joy Correct! Wrong! Happiness Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via Netflix My dad goes, “How was school today?” I said, “It was good, but someone pushed Tyler off the seesaw.” “And where were you?” “I was over on the _________.” “And what did you do?” “Nothing. I was over on the _________." Play set Correct Incorrect Play set Teeter totter Correct Incorrect Teeter totter Swing Correct Incorrect Swing Bench Correct Incorrect Bench Correct! Wrong! Bench Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via Netflix And they go, “You’re a ________, aren’t you?” and I go, “Noooo!” and they go, “SAY IT!’ and I go, “I’m a _________.” Silly little weenie head Correct Incorrect Silly little weenie head Little fat girl Correct Incorrect Little fat girl Grubby little bean pole Correct Incorrect Grubby little bean pole Failed comedian Correct Incorrect Failed comedian Correct! Wrong! Little fat girl Via Netflix My dad once grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me up during church and said, “_____ can’t hear you.” I Correct Incorrect I God Correct Incorrect God The priest Correct Incorrect The priest Leonard Bernstein Correct Incorrect Leonard Bernstein Correct! Wrong! God Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via Netflix I went, “Hey! I’m gonna be a Democrat. And I’m gonna vote for Bill Clinton.” And without looking up at me, my dad just said, “You have the moral backbone of a ________.” Democrat Correct Incorrect Democrat Republican Correct Incorrect Republican Chocolate Éclair Correct Incorrect Chocolate Éclair Politician Correct Incorrect Politician Correct! Wrong! Chocolate Éclair Via Netflix Like the back of a _______, my back. Jellyfish Correct Incorrect Jellyfish Dolphin Correct Incorrect Dolphin Jelly bean Correct Incorrect Jelly bean Cucumber Correct Incorrect Cucumber Correct! Wrong! Dolphin Via Netflix