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Hot Republicans: The Red States That Make Me Blush

Who doesn’t love a hot Republican? Obama’s got heartthrob Director of the Office of Management and Budget, Peter Orszag, with all his fans at Orszagasm.com. However, the Republicans are out to show that they’re just as sexy. Here’s to hoping these conservative party politicians aren’t as conservative as they claim.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Celebrities Tweet Conan O'brien

Ice-T: This Jay Leno shit is all fucked up. They got my man Conan in the mix!! NOBODYS SAFE in the entertainment biz.. I’m happy to have 25 yrs in!

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Lindsay Lohan Fights Ex On Twitter

Lindsay Lohan once again makes her private life way too public. Earlier today, she tried to incite a fight with ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson on Twitter. Read it here!

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Tila Tequila and Perez Hilton Twitter Fight: Read It Here!

Tila Tequila: @PerezHilton have some decency! You love poking fun at people who have passed away dont you? First Mocking MJ's Death & now My FIance's? Perez Hilton: @officialtila Tweet away, honey. The more you Tweet, the more your true colors reveal themselves. And they are vile! CLICK LINK TO READ MORE!

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Why Cheese is So Awesome

It’s that holiday house party time of the year. And while everybody knows that a good guest shows up with a bottle of wine, those who are truly considerate will bring along a little something more. They’ll bring cheese.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Jews and Christmas Cookies: Taking the Christmas Season One Bite at a Time

Being a dedicated Jewish Christmas cookie-baker even comes with a few perks, namely the freedom in choosing recipes that comes with having no real cookie traditions to uphold. This year, my ingredient list didn’t stop at ginger, chocolate, and peppermint, but included tahini, Chinese 5-spice powder, rosewater, sambuca, cardamom, and crushed Earl Grey tea leaves.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

TV Everywhere–A Pivotal Moment in the History of Television

In short, Comcast and Time Warner are trying to impose the cable TV model on the Internet. And to keep you paying those high cable bills.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Absinthe, Tiger Woods, Ashley Dupre And Oscar Wilde: It’s All Related

So, what does all of this have to do with absinthe? I’m not sure, but it’s all connected somehow. Absinthe, Ashley Dupre, Tiger Woods, Health Care Reform, Oscar Wilde and Lowenbrau - it’s all the same hype. I guess that’s what this column is about isn’t it? Hype?

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Weekend Video: Adults Go Crazy Over Childrens Book

http://thefastertimes.com/fiction/2009/12/12/weekend-video-adults-go-crazy-over-childrens-book/

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Study Says Happiness Increases With Education, Childlessness

Do lack of education and childlessness have their benefits?

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Holly Sampson Gives Up the Goods On Tiger Woods (NSFW)

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse for Tiger Woods, I stumbled upon porn star Holly Sampson’s vivid description of banging Tiger at a bachelor party. Don’t watch this with your kids, at work or in front of anyone who has any respect for you at all really. Read more about it here.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Do You Take Your Placenta in Lasagna, Or in Pill Form?

Placenta eating certainly seems to have its benefits.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

CNN Turns Celebrity Molehill Into Even Smaller Molehill

CNN, the network that took news to new lows by literally turning headlines into T-shirt slogans, has published on their Web site what may be the best online news item ever, and by “best” I mean “best indication that we’re all children who don’t deserve to be kept informed of the world around us.”

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Sexsomniacs Are People Too

What do sexsomniacs do? Oh, all the crazy stuff. Really, they mostly engage in masturbation and try to have sex with the person they’re in bed with.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Does My Tiara Make My Butt Look Big?

"A new study, published in the latest issue of the British Journal of Developmental Psychology, called “Am I Too Fat to Be a Princess? Examining the Effect of Popular Children’s Media on Young Girls’ Body Image.” It’s as if they were speaking directly to me."

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Photographic Proof That Men Love Giving “Pretend” Lap Dances

"My favorite part about a man lap dance is that somewhere, deep inside — regardless of the pretense of it all being just a joke — the man secretly believes he’s sexy."

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Not That You Asked: Twilight’s Bella Swan Edition

Twilight: Newer Moon Bella awoke with a start. Her sheets were damp again. “Shit,” thought Bella, “I hope I didn’t wet the bed. That would certainly be an inauspicious start to the day.” Cautiously, she lifted a sopping length of Laura Ashley cotton to the delicate nostrils that were located exactly in the middle of her pale, heart-shaped face. She sniffed, but could detect no pungent urine aroma.

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Which Suicidal Poet Would You Rather Sleep With? (Vote!)

Hot suicidal female poets: we all want to sleep with them. They’re like the sexy crazy girls who talk too loud and smoke clove cigarettes and who drink grain alcohol in the back room of the party. Or at least, I personally always want to sleep with these girls. But the question is, how to choose? Which one? Which one? So we here at The Faster Times have picked the two hottest female poets, and present them here to you in a game of “Who would you rather?”

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Why Kids Are Such Liars

"According to studies, many using variations on the classic “peek-test” where children are told they will get a reward if they don’t peek at something and then they’re left alone with the temptation, girls lie as often as boys, a third of all three year-olds peek (but most admit it if challenged), 80% of all 4 year-olds peek and 80% of those say they didn’t when challenged, and by the time they’re six, about 96% of all children lie about once an hour."

thefastertimes 9 years ago

Breaking: Crystals Are Cool Again

"For more than 30 years, crystals have been decidedly uncool. They were the realm of ex-hippies and new-age types living in upstate New York or in tiny college towns, of Goth kids shopping at those crappy freestanding kiosks in the middle of the mall. But whether you’re like me and have secretly loved all manner of geological wonders since you were a child, or you just have empty space on a shelf that needs filling, I invite you to (re-)consider crystals."

thefastertimes 9 years ago