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What Your Jewish Mother Thinks Of Oscar Dresses

Just last month, three Jewish mothers got together and commented on some of the best and worst in Golden Globe dress choices. They're back, and they're not holding anything back- here they are with their snarkiest (and motherliest) reactions to your favorite Oscar gowns!

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Patricia Arquette

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Robin: A perfect choice for your winning moment! You’ve never looked better.

Blair: For someone with huge boobs, this dress looked great on her.

Lilli: She's very appropriately dressed for an awards ceremony. I don't think she's trying to make a real fashion statement, so it's hard to comment.

Marion Cotillard

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R: I was so excited about this look…until she turned around. Reminiscent of J Law’s white-sheet-with-black-belts dress from last year.

B: What was she thinking?

L: Sort of looks like a swinging sixties "It" girl, but not quite. I'm sorry to say, but the dress looks like a big, shapeless lace doily.

Laura Dern

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R: There’s nothing pretty about this gown. Too hard, too dark. Odd choice of jewelry.

B: Loved it, even though it was a bit Star Wars-esque

L: She looks great, but a little dated. Very 1980's bondage. It's a little harsh for my taste.

Lady Gaga

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R: I’m glad her toilets are clean, but she forgot to take her rubber gloves off!

B: I thought this was demure for her.

L: The combination of futuristic shoulder extensions, nunnery bunnery, and red opera length dishwashing gloves adds up to a sort of space age Evita. If that's what she was going for, she nailed it.

Faith Hill

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R: Faith, your dress and jewels are elegant and classic, and your body looks amazing. But please, please, grow your hair back!

B: Thumbs up for the dress and her new 'do.

L: Is her daughter getting married? Perfect dress for the mother of the bride.

Scarlett Johansson

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R: Is that seaweed around your neck? But you do look really good in that color.

B: Liked the dress and color, but could've done without the moss growing around her neck.

L: This is just so hard and severe. Nothing pretty about it. Her hair is awful, as is the color of her dress. The only thing saving her is that atrocious necklace -- because it's so distracting, it stops you from thinking about how awful everything else is.

Felicity Jones

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R: What a beautiful gown. I just wish it was in a different color. No need to bring those British gray skies to California, Felicity.

B: I love her, so anything she wears would be OK with me. Up-do looked great.

L: This would be lovely, if she were getting married. I would like this better without the big, ball gown skirt.

Nicole Kidman

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R: Perfect dress for Nicole, and just different enough to spark interest. Love the belt.

B: Fun and sparkly, but think the color wasn't great on her.

L: I hate the red belt, but it's probably the only thing stopping her from blending into a wall. Not a standout. Literally.

Keira Knightley

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R: Why, Keira, why? I think those pregnancy hormones are messing with your fashion sense.

B: Thumbs down. The color (or lack of) did nothing for her.

L: I like it! I think she looks young and fresh. It's a nice change from all the severity and seriousness of some of the other women.

Solange Knowles

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R: What are you trying to hide under that ill-fitting dress? Or is it a pantsuit? A jumpsuit? Worst-dressed.

B: Just one word. Awful.

L: Diana Ross on a very bad day, or something you'd wear if you were going to the Academy Awards on Planet Vulcan.

Jennifer Lopez

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R: No, Jen, you’re not a princess. And no princess puts her globes on display like that. I prefer Jenny from the block.


L: Less exposed breast and this would be a winner. So understated and glamourous, and then BAM! BOOBIES!!! We got it, you're a sex symbol. The joke's not funny if you have to explain it.

Lupita Nyong'o

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R: Nice to see someone taking a fashion risk in this otherwise rather risk-less Oscars show. But that dress must have hurt to sit in!

B: Stunning regardless of what she wears. This dress had to weigh a ton.

L: Minimal, yet glamourous. I love this look. She looks sleek, statuesque, and very beautiful.

Gwyneth Paltrow

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R: Gwyneth, there’s a growth on your shoulder. You need to have that looked at.

B: I think she has an obsession with pink but damn, she looks good. I may have to start the Tracy Anderson method today!

L: This looks like something Nancy Kerrigan might have worn at the 1994 Olympics.

Rosamund Pike

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R: Most improved! Now THAT’S what every new mom wants to look like. Not like her horribly unflattering Golden Globes dress.

B: Could she be more gorgeous? What an improvement.

L: She looks like a big box of Valentines chocolates, but in a good way! Very beautiful.

Emma Stone

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R: After a season of fantastic fashions moments by Emma, this was a big let-down. I don’t think anyone could look good in this color, and the style was way too old for her.

B: Too much fussiness for someone that petite. You could see her skeleton from the back.

L: She looks very beautiful. Nothing earth shattering, but a nice look. I wish she would have done something a little younger, but there's nothing to criticize except that maybe she played it a little too "safe."

Chrissy Teigen

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R: Leg AND cleavage? It’s too much. We really don’t need to see so much of her.

B: Trashy, she always looks trashy.

L: This is so inappropriate. It looks like something she bought at Frederick's of Hollywood.

Kerry Washington

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R: She wore white? What a shock. Boring, boring, and weird proportions to boot.

B: "It's handled." LOVE!

L: She's just so beautiful, it's hard to get past that. But if I concentrate on the dress, without looking at her face, it's not so great. I don't understand the satin peplum top with the long sequined skirt. It looks like two separate pieces that don't belong together.

Naomi Watts

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R: Love the athleisure-wear inspiration of this red carpet gown. Such a modern look! And the fabric is unreal.

B: Loved the dress from the front but from behind it made her butt look LARGE!

L: If Lulu Lemon designed evening wear, this is something they might come up with. I think it's sporty and sexy, and very glamourous. Naomi is perfection.

Reese Witherspoon

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R: So simple, but so very effective. What’s not to love? My choice for best-dressed.

B: Didn't she think we'd remember this? (click to see!)

L: Even for a Junior League function, this would be considered understated. Not Oscar worthy for such a young, stylish woman.

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