Bears are Absolutely Terrifying
Bears are big, strong, and perpetually hungry. As a human being, it would seem like you are exactly the right size of the peg that could plug that stomach hole. Their teeth are sharp, their claws are long, and they are fast. Really fast.
doesn't translate into as much human carnage than you might expect.
Since 1903, there have been 107 bear related deaths, translating into a meager .97 deaths per year.
So if this friendly forest friendly isn't dismantling the human race one limb at a time, what is causing our regular demise?
1. Christmas Trees
This timeless tradition of defying nature by taking a flammable, outdoors staple, bringing it indoors, and covering it with an abundance of glowing wires with deadly electricity coursing through them gives many people a warm feeling. It gives others a very hot feeling.
When i think of things that can be found in a home garage, the first thing I think of is cars. Then when someone says, "No. Smaller. Think 'Tools.'" I think of a hammer.
In 2011, hammers were used to kill 496 people. It's heavy and people are vengeful. If you don't believe me, I can assure you that this statistic is...
We may think that overprotective moms are frustrating and uptight. And we've all had a good laugh at someone else's expense during a game of "Hide the EpiPen," but food allergies are serious business.
Some say that an average of 200 people die every year from food allergies. On the other hand, this Huffington Post article suggests it's more like 11. Regardless, that is 11 times more deadly than bears.
4. The Jersey Shore
There seemed to have been 2 situations at the shore in 2012. By mid July, there had already been 5 drownings and lifegaurds started issuing more strict riptide warnings to the beach goers that summer. Officially, bears killed 0 people at the beach last year.
5. Carnival Rides
We all look for a thrill every now and then. And whats better than the thrill of partaking in an activity 400% more likely to kill you than a bear? Between 1987 and 2003, an average of 4.2 people per year die in carnival ride accidents. And the ride more responsible for these deaths? Go ahead. Guess.
Mosquitoes cause more human deaths than any other animal in the world. But how do they do it? Is it their brute strength? Is it their razor sharp teeth? Do they drink enough blood to suck a human bone dry? No. They use something call "Malaria." Despite them totally cheating, mosquitoes are about 2 million times more likely to kill you than a bear.
7. High School Sports
Remember going to the football games during high school? Remember the nachos they sold at the concession stand? Remember achieving your first "under-over" with Katie behind the bleachers? Those bleachers were expensive. Like, cutting the entire science department expensive. Which is a shame, because some of those future scientists could have helped to prevent those 50-100 annual deaths that CNN says are caused by school sports every year. It would be safe and cheaper to have organized school bears.
Bears Get a Bad Wrap
So the next time you see a bear, thank him for staying cool. After all, maybe it's the bears who are saving us... from ourselves.