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How To Survive A Horror Movie: Part 2

You learned the basics! Lets get you ready to survive your Classic Horror Slasher Movie!!

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Before you kick ass!

Make sure you read How to Survive a Horror movie: Part 1 !

You read it? Not bad right? I know my stuff.

So you’ve maximized your chances of survival by activating 911, locking down, and hiding. What would be super great right now is to yell “I called 911 ___” and to insert your favorite expletive. To the average potential burglar, or home invader, that may even scare them off! But no. You’re dealing with Jason, or Michael Myers...or Leatherface… look the villain doesn't matter, just follow my instructions and you won’t end up dead. Or like… die as quickly.

Looks like he busted down your door Rampage Style!

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com / Via Youtube

Maybe invest in a stronger door....

So our would be masked killer has booted his way through the front door dramatically. And it looks like he’s carrying something… is that a body? Jinkies! That Sheriff Mcgillacutty! Looks like 911 got there but wasn’t much help. Also looks like I just said Jinkies. I apologize for that. I honestly just don’t know Buzzfeed’s profanity policy… ANYWAY…..Looks like it's up to you to get out of this horror flick.

Are you hidden?

theodysseyonline.com / Via az616578.vo.msecnd.net

So I’m assuming, like every horror movie victim seems to do, you had the bright idea of hiding and doing that, ‘covering your mouth so he can’t hear you scream’ thing. I’m also assuming you didn’t grab a weapon.

To Gun, or not to Gun?

Rob Zombie: House of 1,000 Corpses / Via i.ytimg.com

Yeah I know, I could have told you to in Part 1 to grab a weapon. But let's back this up into real life real quick. You see a masked figure, your gangster upbringing has you shouting; “Gator needs his Gat,” and you go grab your daddy’s .357 Revolver. You’re hiding. The door opens. You empty all 6 chambers...into the police, or your sibling, or a horse. Point is, until someone is in the house and you’ve identified that your option is to fight, with deadly force, you’re more likely to shoot someone you know, rather than an intruder.

But this guy is in the house, with a dead cop. So I’d say you’re pretty safe trying to kill this guy, cause he’s gonna kill you! So, staying hidden in your area with multiple exits, take a second to identify potential weapons or distractions.

Halloween (1978) / Via moviefone

The laws of all slasher films pretty much state that you have to arm yourself with a kitchen knife or a fireplace poker. I want you to get a little more creative! Find anything in arms reach; a vase, a book, or grandma’s ashes. Your goal is gonna be to throw this object at your killer’s face and use that time to make your escape or full commit to attacking. Remember: Maxium Effort = Survival.

But what if whoever is breaking in isn’t human?

This thing just killed a cop. Cop has more training than you probably do, and he’s dead, so let's just assume fighting is off the table. Plus, yeah, your knife could stop Ghost Face, but what's your knife gonna do to Michael Myers. Newsflash, it ain't gonna do nothin'.

Now I need you to sit tight. Be Alert. And Check out How to Survive a Horror Movie Part 3

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