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How To Survive A Horror Movie: Part 1

Be the Hero! Not a victim! Survive a Classic 80's Slasher Film with these tricks and tips!

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Oh No! Looks like you got yourself a psycho chasing you!

View this video on YouTube

Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007) / Via youtube.com

Nothing like a sprint down an empty street in Haddonfield on Halloween! The wind in your hair, and an invincible serial killer casually pursuing you. Laurie, the blonde chick with the set of pipes, did a few good things here in the video above, but she has room for improvement!

Before You Kick Ass...

I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, you handsome devil, why should I listen to your advice on survival in a horror movie?” You flatter me, audience, but I may be your best shot at survival. Let's rap for a minute. I am a horror movie expert, professional scare actor, and have studied martial arts and self defense for 12 years.

I know you have questions. Why am I reading this? Who killed JFK? And What’s a scare actor? I worked as a costumed character for Santa Clarita’s Heritage Haunt, Six Flags Magic Mountain’s Fright Fest, and Universal Studios Hollywood’s Halloween Horror Nights. I get paid to scare the bejeezus out of you. And I love every second. I’ve trained in so many martial arts that I’ve lost count, but my specialty is Walt Bayless’ Combat Jujitsu. So I can scare you, then block the punch you threw out of fear. But enough about me, let's get you ready to survive a horror movie!

Identify that you are in a horror movie. Are you a college student who’s off to your wealthy parent’s cabin? Yeah, Jason is waiting for you there. Are you chained to a pipe in a bathroom? Find a tape before Jigsaw shouts “Game Over!” But for now, let’s just say you’re with your best friend at home, when you see a masked figure outside. If you don’t have a best friend...work with me man, I’m trying to do a thing.

It's Ass Kickin' Time!

Now I know your instincts are screaming “just call 911.” Anytime that idea pops in your head, thats a good plan, but that's not all you should be doing. While calling 911, you need to secure the house to the best of your ability. Lock the doors. Lock the windows. Turn off the lights. Assuming this guy isn’t rocking night vision, the darkness is his friend, and yours so use it. Let’s assume cops are inbound. Only issue is average police response time is about 10 minutes. So you need to be like… alive when the cops get there. You’ve already improved your chances, but let's get you the extra mile.

Now you want to hide. But avoid the myths and bad ideas. Under the bed, your closet, and the basement will all get you killed. Wanna know why? 1 entrance, 1 exit. You want options. You'd be better off hiding in your living room. Killer in the kitchen? Get out the front door. Killer at the door? Head for the garage and open it. By having the ability to stay mobile, you increase your chance of survival. Trust me, getting cornered by Leatherface- does not end well for you.

So you know to activate 911, enter lockdown, and hide smart! Check out How to Survive a Horror Movie Part 2, to see what to do when the masked killer gets in the house with you!

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