1. Getting a mustache will empower you with a secret weapon unlike any other.
2. It will give you smug confidence in that point you just made.
3. It will give you both the elegance of another era...
4. ...and the zaniness of a guy with a mustache.
5. Hidden behind ~handlebars~, your goings-on will be shrouded in mystery and class.
6. Beautiful women will come out of the woodwork, hoping to meet you.
7. With all the attention, you'll constantly feel like you're running from the paparazzi.
8. Which makes sense because you'll finally be cast in those famous 'stache roles of your dreams.
Time for new headshots!
9. You will be granted VIP treatment everywhere.
10. You'll enter a fraternity of greats.
You're guaranteed to be remembered.