11 Ways A Mustache Will Make Your Life Better

Must(ache) act now! Joining the club of stubbled studs has its perks: You can confidently walk into The Art of Shaving, and you can look as dapper as Mortdecai.

1. Getting a mustache will empower you with a secret weapon unlike any other.

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With great power comes great responsibility.

2. It will give you smug confidence in that point you just made.

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Mustache = CREDIBILITY.

3. It will give you both the elegance of another era...

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4. ...and the zaniness of a guy with a mustache.

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Imagine all the weird behaviors you'll get away with.

5. Hidden behind ~handlebars~, your goings-on will be shrouded in mystery and class.

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"Where's he going?" people will ask. "What's he growing?" they'll beg.

6. Beautiful women will come out of the woodwork, hoping to meet you.

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7. With all the attention, you'll constantly feel like you're running from the paparazzi.

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You have what they want.

8. Which makes sense because you'll finally be cast in those famous 'stache roles of your dreams.

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Time for new headshots!

9. You will be granted VIP treatment everywhere.

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Your supremacy deserves it.

10. You'll enter a fraternity of greats.

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Theodore Roosevelt (26th President of The United States)

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You (In Your Glorious Future)

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Chester A. Arthur (21st President of The United States)

You're guaranteed to be remembered.

11. And most importantly, you'll be your sexiest self.

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It's not easy being beautiful. But it's not easy getting a mustache either.

Mortdecai, in theaters Jan. 23.