The Best Feherty-isms

If David Feherty were a philosopher, he'd be a pretty damn good one. Here's some of his best advice and takes on life over the years. To hear even more of Feherty's witticisms--not to mention awesome interviews with the best golfers in the sport--check out Feherty, Mondays at 10PM on Golf Channel.

1. On Exercise:

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"When I was drinking, I tried jogging but had to give it up. Couldn't keep the ice in the glass."

2. On She Who Must Be Obeyed:

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"Being on the road has helped my marriage. She has way more time to shop."

3. On Humor:

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"If brevity is the soul of wit, I quit."

4. On Complaining:

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"Don't tell people you troubles, 80% don't care and the other 20% are glad you got 'em."

5. On Demographics:

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"They tell me the Feherty Show is big with women 54 to 74. Great. I finally hit a nerve with women and it turns out to be a hot flash."

6. On Interviewing Celebrities:

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"Barbara Walters likes to start out easy, then get them to cry. I like to cut the cheese and watch their eyes water...Hey, they're still crying! Sort of...

7. On Sleeping:

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"I don't sleep very much, but when I do, I sleep like a baby. I wake up with my foot in my mouth and a load in my pants."

8. On New Found Fame:

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"Strangers stop me on the street now that I've my own show. They still mug me, but now they want an autograph."

9. On Show Business:

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"I prepare for a show but going into a zen-like trance for several hours. Then I soil myself, followed by a high colonic in a car wash with the top down. Showtime baby!"

10. On Looks:

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"If Phyllis Diller was artificially inseminated by Muammar Gaddafi I'd be their bouncing baby boy."