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    Posted on Jul 2, 2015

    16 Little Lies We Tell On Our C.V. In Order To Get Hired

    Because telling lies gets you the job... right?

    1. "I have very open availability, and am willing to work overtime to get the job done."

    VH1

    What you really mean:YOU BETTER BE PAYING ME IF I WORK OVER THE 37.5 HOUR QUOTA.

    2. "I have fantastic customer service and people skills."

    United Artists

    What you really mean: I hate people. People are the worst. But I will fake a smile if I'm getting paid for it.

    3. "I'm an honest and trust-worthy person."

    FX

    What you really mean: This very resume, and all the information in it, is a at least *slightly* exaggerated. Because I need some MONEY.

    4. "I'm an extremely hardworking individual."

    20th Century Fox

    What you really mean: TBH work isn't like, my ideal place to be. But unfortunately, I need money to live, so here I am.

    5. "I can work effectively as part of a team."

    NBC

    What you really mean: As long as I get credit, because it was all MY IDEA.

    6. "I'm exceptionally organised."

    ABC

    What you really mean: Wait, what time was my dentist appointment? Was it today? Wait... what day is it?

    7. "I have experience using [insert name of difficult software you've never heard of here]."

    FOX

    What you really mean: I have no idea what Sage is or how to use it, but I will watch YouTube tutorials before I start work, OK?

    8. "I'm highly motivated with a can-do attitude."

    E!

    What you really mean: HEH. #Procrastination4Life baby.

    9. "I work well under pressure."

    NBC

    What you really mean: I will go in to extreme panic mode and likely have a nervous breakdown, but work will get done.

    10. "My written and verbal communication skills are first-rate."

    HBO

    What you really mean: I got a B in English and writing, but I got an A+ in pretending like I know what the hell is going on.

    11. "I have a strong work ethic."

    FOX

    What you really mean: I am super determined to GET THIS OVER WITH.

    12. "My ability to multitask is unparalleled."

    Bravo

    What you really mean: And by multi-task, I mean I can tweet and take a dump at the same time.

    13. "I'm semi-fluent in [enter language necessary to get job]."

    E!

    What you really mean: I can use Google translate, or, like get an app.

    14. "I can make decisions effectively, efficiently, and all on my own."

    FOX

    What you really mean: OK, I can't even decide what sandwich I should have for lunch, unless I have a lot of options in front of me. But I can TRY.

    15. "I'm a proactive and energetic person."

    HBO

    What you really mean: I'm proactive and energetic after coffee and red bull are in my system.

    16. And, "I'm a real problem solver."

    NBC

    What you really mean: I will solve my workday stresses at Friday happy hour.

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