GypsyVia ThinkstockRufusVia ThinkstockButtersVia ThinkstockSandyVia ThinkstockDoloresVia ThinkstockJuliusVia ThinkstockBingoVia ThinkstockColleenVia ThinkstockThorVia Thinkstock
Can You Pick Which Dog You Should Have At Your Wedding?
Julius is cute AF, but HE'S A GODDAMN PUPPY. I get wanting to put your dog baby into your wedding, but know that if you do, he's going to pee and chew on everything.
Sandy is the fucking town crier. If there's some dirt to tell, Sandy is ON IT, so don't bring her if you have any dirty laundry.
Look at those eyes. Rufus rhymes with ruthless, and he has no problem letting you know it.
You wouldn't know it by his name, but Thor is like Guy Fieri — so annoying that you'd turn down a bowl of the best chili in the tristate area if he offered it to you.
Butters is like an actual stick of butter — soft, longer than she is wide, delicious, creamy, great on toast... oh what? Agh yeah sorry, Butters is chill, but you can do better.
Thought you picked a winner with Bingo, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? Sike! Like, Bingo is cool, but he always acts a little stoned, and with an important job like dog ring bearer, you don't want him getting the munchies halfway down the aisle.
Dolores is :whispers: kind of a snob. She's gonna judge with those beautiful brown eyes, so if you're at all sensitive, I'd say you should take a pass and bring her to the park another time, k?
Gypsy is almost maybe too perfect. The only thing wrong is she's kind of a flake, yanno? If she sees a man that can do both, she's gonna ditch your wedding and not even apologize. *If* she comes, she'll be the best damn dog you ever saw.
It's kind of annoying that she's a collie named Colleen, but that's not her fault. She's a goddamn miracle TBH — calm, sweet, and a with a smile that'll melt your heart.