FelixVia ThinkstockMillicentVia ThinkstockLucilleVia ThinkstockWinstonVia ThinkstockMaryamVia ThinkstockGertrudeVia ThinkstockAlvinVia ThinkstockBerthaVia ThinkstockHaroldVia Thinkstock
Can You Spot The Asshole Wedding Guest?
FELIX IS YOUR UNCLE. And not the shitty uncle — he's the uncle who felt like a dad. He gave a rehearsal dinner toast that brought the fucking house down and danced to "Shout" with you, you ungrateful jerk.
Millicent is the only friend from your childhood that doesn't suck. And based on how fun and grateful she was all night, you remember why that is.
You think Lucille is the asshole? YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE. Sorry, but like, Lucille kept her cell phone away during the ceremony and participated in the bouquet toss without rolling her eyes.
Winston looks like a fuckboy, and while yeah, he is, he also has a heart of gold. Which you'd know IF you read the thoughtful card he gave with the gift he sent you from your registry a month ago.
You know that guest who gets the party started and then literally doesn't leave the dance floor until the lights come on? That's Maryam! She's the one who makes you glad you shelled out some coin for live entertainment.
I mean, I guess Gertrude is an asshole, if assholes bring extra tissues in case you cry and personally thank you for hosting the best wedding she's ever been to. But whatever.
First of all, how dare you. Alvin is practically a professional wedding guest. He has a knack for making people feel welcome and included, even if he doesn't know the couple well.
You thought twice about inviting Bertha, since she's a peripheral work friend, but she turned out to be awesome! She didn't ask to bring a plus-one, she sent back her RSVP card in time, and she ended up bonding hardcore with her tablemates. You go, Bertha.
There he is! You wouldn't know it looking at him, but Harold's the worst. He ate all of the sliders during cocktail hour, hogged all of the dog ring bearer's attention, took it upon himself to give a 30-minute toast with way too many sexual jokes, and requested "Cotton Eyed Joe" about 13 times. Fuck you, Harold. Just fuck you.