1. Children Need a Mother and a Father to Flourish Let's move to make it illegal for single people to adopt or have children! Problem solved on a more universal level. 2. Protect the Sanctity of Marriage... Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF By making adultery and divorce punishable crimes. 3. Marriage is a Sacred Covenant not a Secular Issue s3-ak.buzzfeed.com Then there's no need for these pesky perks that come with it. Inheritance tax exemption, medicaid, property tax, income tax, parental rights, bereavement leave, adoption rights, pensions, right to change your surname... all gone. 4. The Bible Says Selling your daughter into slavery, lots of stoning for everyone everywhere, no more shrimp salads, blended fabrics, hair cuts or shaves. Adulterers and non-believers subject to capital punishment. Sounds like a utopia, where do I sign up for these new laws? 5. Keep it Traditional Hefty dowries, marriages of convenience, arranged marriages, politics, women as property and no interracial unions. Keep it real. 6. Protect Your Rights To ensure that a same sex couple's marriage never ruins YOUR marriage, protect yourself and your children by never leaving the house. 7. Can't Stand the Thought of 2 Guys/Girls in Bed Together Don't be a pervert. Stop thinking about strangers in bed together! 8. Same Sex Marriage is Wrong Does not compute. 9. When My Son Grows Up, He Might Marry a Dog. Seek professional help. Marriage equality does not logically lead to zoophilia. 10. The Bible Also Says... So that nothing is lost in translation: Free copies of Bibles with their books written in the original languages so everything can be crystal clear. Better brush up on your Hebrew and Greek! 11. Gross, I Can't Imagine Myself With another Man/Woman Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Well it's a very good thing nobody is making you try. 12. I Don't Like It Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF OK. We promise to make everything you don't like illegal.