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10 Borderline Genius Excuses For When You're Late For Work

You're welcome.

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1. "I'm so sorry that I'm late. The elevator in my building was broken, so I got trapped it in for like 10 minutes. Man that was so scary!"

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Bonus points if you already know your boss has that fear. Then they will be able to immediately relate and therefore immediately forgive.

2. "I got a flat tire cuz I accidentally ran over a staple remover, but my girlfriend is, like, super handy when it comes to power tools and stuff, so I had her come fix it for me. She also really loves woodworking. Pretty cool, huh?"

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If you continue to talk about the other skills your "girlfriend" is good at, you'll be naturally changing the subject, and by the time you're done listing her resume talents, your boss will completely forget what you were talking about in the first place.

3. "My cat threw up in my eye, and now I have pink eye."

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Chances are if you email this to your boss first thing in the a.m., they'll tell you to stay home and sleep it off. Boom. Now you have a day all to yourself.

4. "I accidentally squeezed the toothpaste cap ONTO my toothbrush, proceeded to brush my teeth, and then choked on the cap. Luckily I took that CPR course a couple years ago, so I was able to save my own life. Close call!"

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5. "Ugh, the traffic was so insane, so I held balloons out the window of my Prius in an attempt to fly OVER the highway. But, boy, that didn't work out so well."

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Carry one sad, lone balloon around the office for the rest of the day to really drive the message home.

6. "On the drive over, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer and then ran over a chipmunk in the process. I felt really bad so I threw it a funeral service and hand-chiseled a tiny gravestone. Would you like to sign the sympathy card I'm going to send to the family?"

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This one is a little tricky because you also have to stop and buy a sympathy card on the way to work.

7. "It was just one of those mornings, you know? I SWEAR I didn't hear my alarm go off. Then when I did hear it, it startled me so much I chucked it across my room in a panic, and it smashed into my grandmother's antique kalpis vase. So I spent all morning hot-gluing it back together. Oh, and I also stopped at the Apple store on the way over."

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This one will work really well if you squeeze your pinkie to your ring finger and fiddle with it, pretending you accidentally glued those two fingers together. If you give a little extra yelp while pulling your pinkie, that will make your story even more convincing.

8. "Ugh, this morning was THE WORST! As soon as I heard my apartment door close behind me, I realized that my keys were INSIDE my apartment and that the door was locked. Don't you HATE that? So I harnessed my inner Alex Mack, transformed myself into this slippery silver substance, slipped under the crack of my door, searched for my keys, but still couldn't find them. Because guess what? They were in my purse the whole time. Silly me!"

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The more you really beat yourself up and call yourself "silly" and "stupid," the more forgiving your boss will be.

9. "This really annoying person in the line at Starbucks was breathing SO LOUDLY in my ear, so I turned around and asked nicely if he could 'please stop breathing like that.' But then, not 60 seconds later he either dropped dead or fainted, but I didn't want to be later than I already was so I'm not sure what happened. Oh man, was that my fault? Maybe I should go check on him..." Then longingly stare out the window and stay mute the remainder of the day.

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This one will require you to practice your best "dead eyes" in the mirror the night before.