1."I'm so sorry that I'm late. The elevator in my building was broken, so I got trapped it in for like 10 minutes. Man that was so scary!"
2."I got a flat tire cuz I accidentally ran over a staple remover, but my girlfriend is, like, super handy when it comes to power tools and stuff, so I had her come fix it for me. She also really loves woodworking. Pretty cool, huh?"
3."My cat threw up in my eye, and now I have pink eye."
4."I accidentally squeezed the toothpaste cap ONTO my toothbrush, proceeded to brush my teeth, and then choked on the cap. Luckily I took that CPR course a couple years ago, so I was able to save my own life. Close call!"
5."Ugh, the traffic was so insane, so I held balloons out the window of my Prius in an attempt to fly OVER the highway. But, boy, that didn't work out so well."
6."On the drive over, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer and then ran over a chipmunk in the process. I felt really bad so I threw it a funeral service and hand-chiseled a tiny gravestone. Would you like to sign the sympathy card I'm going to send to the family?"
7."It was just one of those mornings, you know? I SWEAR I didn't hear my alarm go off. Then when I did hear it, it startled me so much I chucked it across my room in a panic, and it smashed into my grandmother's antique kalpis vase. So I spent all morning hot-gluing it back together. Oh, and I also stopped at the Apple store on the way over."
8."Ugh, this morning was THE WORST! As soon as I heard my apartment door close behind me, I realized that my keys were INSIDE my apartment and that the door was locked. Don't you HATE that? So I harnessed my inner Alex Mack, transformed myself into this slippery silver substance, slipped under the crack of my door, searched for my keys, but still couldn't find them. Because guess what? They were in my purse the whole time. Silly me!"
9."This really annoying person in the line at Starbucks was breathing SO LOUDLY in my ear, so I turned around and asked nicely if he could 'please stop breathing like that.' But then, not 60 seconds later he either dropped dead or fainted, but I didn't want to be later than I already was so I'm not sure what happened. Oh man, was that my fault? Maybe I should go check on him..." Then longingly stare out the window and stay mute the remainder of the day.
10."Hey boss, I'm seriously so sorry I'm late. It was just one of those mornings, you know? Won't happen again!"