1. Posting a tweet with a typo.
2. Having the typo-ridden tweet retweeted.
3. Having the typo-ridden tweet retweeted 80 times and having your mistake exposed to the entire internet and feeling judged and defenseless and vulnerable.
4. Deleting a tweet only to have someone respond to it, exposing your dirty politics.
5. Trying to favorite a tweet and following that person by mistake.
6. Favoriting the wrong tweet.
7. Trying to reply to a tweet but hitting “tweet” too soon.
8. You @reply into a conversation of lots of people and it goes on without you.
9. Consequently finding out that YOUR friends are @talking without you.
10. Trying to fit a deep thought into 140 characters and then havng 2do dis.
11. Having to break your thoughts into multiple tweets.
12. Taking too long tweeting a live event and the moment passes.
13. Taking a lot of time formulating a tweet that gets zero faves/retweets.
14. Being followed by your employers and having to censor yourself 100% of the time.
15. Getting new followers only to find out they’re all BOTS.
16. Subtweeting and getting called out.
17. Scrolling through Instagram on your phone and accidentally double-tapping/liking someone’s photo.
18. Scrolling through Instagram on your phone and accidentally double-tapping/liking someone’s photo from six months ago.
19. Scrolling through Instagram on your phone and accidentally double-tapping/liking your crush’s photo.
20. Immediately unliking it and realizing the notification/damage might have already been done.
21. Hitting “Share” too soon with no caption.
22. Hitting “Share” too soon when you were halfway through a caption.
23. Tagging the wrong person.
24. Tagging the wrong person and it’s your crush.
25. Accidentally following someone you’ve been lurk-stalking.
26. When you have no intention of replying to a message but accidentally “see” it so you have to.
27. Coming up with a snappier caption after you’ve posted your photo.
28. Not being able to find a filter that is flattering to both you and your friends.
29. Uploading and immediately realizing you chose the wrong filter.
30. Drunkstagramming something inappropriate and seeing the next morning that your boss liked it.
31. Getting regrammed without credit.
32. Accidentally deleting a profile pic that got at least 50 likes.
33. Double-uploading profile pics.
34. THEN SPLITTING THE LIKES BETWEEN TWO PHOTOS AGGHHH NOOOOOOOOO.
35. Accidentally friend-requesting someone.
36. Realizing you’ve been unfriended (even if it’s by someone who’s like whatever).
37. Posting a marginally inappropriate status and then remembering you’re FB friends with Mom.
38. Posting a marginally inappropriate status and then remember you’re FB friends with Mom, who just saw it and liked it.
39. Trying to search for someone to stalk and accidentally posting their name as your status.
40. Liking a picture by accident.
41. Unliking it because you’re embarrassed.
42. Re-liking it because they already got the notification.
43. Living with the dread of having liked a picture two times that you actually don’t even like.
44. Deciding whether or not to delete pics of you and your ex. And weighing its implications.
45. Coming across your friends’ dope events that you were not invited to.
46. Coming across any photo of your ex and his/her whereabouts.
47. Piecing together photographic/textual evidence that your ex is in a new relationship and feeling like a badass private investigator then immediately feeling like a psychotic creep.
48. Intending to send someone an anonymous message on Tumblr and forgetting to click “Anonymous.”
49. Having your secret Pinterest wedding board discovered by the person you’re casually dating.
50. Stalking someone and getting caught.
51. Stalking someone and finding/knowing something you can’t unknow.
52. Stalking someone and knowing everything about them and having to pretend like you don’t when you interact IRL.
53. Stalking someone at least once a day and realizing you might have a problem.
54. Stalking someone at least once a day and realizing THEY SUDDENLY SET THEIR PROFILE TO PRIVATE.
55. Literally feeling like there is no will to live.
56. Sighing heavily, lit by the glow of your laptop screen.
57. Slowly resigning yourself to a life of perpetual creepitude.
58. Moving on to your next stalking subject.
- Donald Trump was sworn in today as the 45th president of the United States of America. 🇺🇸
- US officials didn't know drug lord Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán was being extradited from Mexico to the United States until the day it happened.