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The 21 Erotic Moments From The First Time You're In A Bulk Barn

Life will forever be divided into two parts: Before Bulk Barn and after Bulk Barn.

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1. There are containers-à côté de-containers-à côté de-containers of cookies: Small, big, medium, chocolate drizzle, graham, fillings, crumbles. You let out a helpless whimper.

2. Down the aisle, the components of cookie are broken down by ingredients. You stop to gaze at the "chip" sex-tion. (Hack: Skip the baking step, fist a handful directly into your mouth.)

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(Note: OK, so you shouldn't sample or reach into their bins, as much as your lustful heart wants to. Instead, buy a bag of cookie toppings. Eat them on your route home.)

3. Around the corner, we almost arrive at candy aisle. But in the middle is the convergence of cookie and candy. Their offspring is so beautiful. You shed a single tear.

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Hi Cookies 'n' Creme Drops, I've never seen anything like you before.

*In a breathy Norah Jones voice* Come away with me.

4. You turn a slow corner. You gulp. Your starry gaze can't even settle on a single sight; it surveys the swells of gummied, sugared, soured products.

11. And sitting above the pastas are piñatas. You imagine stuffing one with a strange and personal melange of items to hang up and break yourself. Funny or sad? You can't tell.

12. Moving along, your eyes bazooka out of their sockets and your legs begin to shake. Sugar crystals. Sprinkles. CRACK.

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Crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack.

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