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My Phone Is Hung Up On My Ex

Siri needs to check herself.

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Predictive text: that handy (or annoying, depending on how involved you like your technology) feature that suggests the top three words you might want to type next in the gray bar just above your keyboard. I don’t know that I’ve ever used the predictive text feature seriously. Deactivating it is an option, but I keep it on because those darn predictive text Facebook games are so much fun. You know the ones — type “Harry Potter and the…” and click your middle predictive text button until a title is formed, or “I was born [middle predictive text-created sentence].” My personal favorite was “All I want for Christmas is…”

All I want for Christmas is to get a drink or a date. Thanks, phone.

I started noticing that when I type “with,” my phone likes to predict who is accompanying me. Namely, when I type “with D-”, presumably meaning Doug, my boyfriend of a year and a half, my phone has other ideas. Without fail, my phone will instead insist that I mean to type “Dallas,” a person I dated four years and two exes ago.

To be fair, their names both start with D. To be unfair, this was four. years. ago. and I haven’t texted Dallas or referenced him in probably three.

To make sure this wasn’t just a one- or two-time fluke, I tested this text prediction in a number of different text conversations, including with dear Douglas himself. The results were unanimous: my phone clearly prefers my former D-named romantic partner.

Sending that message would not have gone over well. Siri needs to check herself.

In a text conversation with my sister, I accidentally sent one of the predictive messages. It was enlightening to see how my family members would react if my pone got what it wanted.

Also concerned that "dad" is an option.

Also concerned that "dad" is an option.

I explained, and told Doug about the phenomenon as well. (He was not thrilled.)

My only possible explanation is perhaps during our breakup, I texted Dallas’s name to a lot of people out of angst and anguish and that data is stored more prominently, for whatever reason, than the number of time’s I’ve texted Doug’s name. Or maybe, when updating people about my life, I choose to discuss my current relationship in person more often than over text these days.

Then again, maybe Siri’s just trying to stir the pot. Either way, my phone is sentenced to a momentary predictive text time-out. At least until the next game circulates on my NewsFeed.

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