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23 Tweets About Dating That'll Make You Laugh Then Cry Because They're So True

"Signs a first date is bad: won't make eye contact, keep checking their phone, didn't respond any of the times you said you loved them."

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my date: so tell me a little about yourself me: [i close my eyes for 12 minutes and then loudly exhale] no


An extremely accurate description of what it's like to hook up with me


[the long awkward silence between me and my date is suddenly broken by the sound of toast popping out the toaster] me: "dinner is served"


Humans bored on Earth are like "Look, there's water on that cold, distant, unattainable planet," and that's also a good metaphor for dating.


So did you like my tweet because it was funny or because you wanna date me


him: so tell me something about yourself me:


Signs a first date is bad: -won't make eye contact -keep checking their phone -didn't respond any of the times you said you loved them


(on a first date) you know if you shave a Guinea pig they look like tiny hippos *with way too much food in my mouth* they hate it though


*first date* Her: I like men who have a little mystery about them Me: *trying to impress* If anyone asks, I wasnโ€™t here


Me before a first date: "I want to make a good impression, I shouldn't drink too much." Me during a first date:


KID: What's dating like? Me: it's like when you see the waiter bring out food, u get all excited only for them to give it to another table


"so tell me a little bit about yourself"

Instagram: @vodkavixens


me: straight guy on a dating app: what's a cute girl like you doing on an app like this? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‰


[at bar] Her: I never get drunk on the first date *drunk as a skunk already* Me: Do you know pool tables donโ€™t contain water?


Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them


Me before a first date VS me during a first date.


[first date] ME: are you a dog person or a cat person DATE: oh dog for sure ME: *hands menu back to waiter* the lady and i will have the dog


Sometimes I see an ambulance & wonder if its for me; like I died moments ago & don't know it yet MY DATE: I meant what do u do for a living


[turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won't be laughing when it's time to pick it all up


Oloni : Ask a guy you fancy out on a date and screenshot his response Me :


HIM: tell me your wildest fantasy ME: i'm on wheel of fortune and i spin it so hard it lights on fire HIM: i meant like- ME: everyone claps


boy: you have really pretty eyes... me: *suspicious* thank you...??? boy: *leans in slowly* me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!


When you're about to tell them that last night was fun but you don't want a relationship right now