Here's What Happened On "Married At First Sight" If You Accidentally Happened To Miss It
Jonesy! Jonesy! Look at me Jonesy! Over here Jonesy!
Oops! Did you accidentally miss Married At First Sight, or for some reason, want to desperately relive all the drama? Luckily, you've come to the right place.
Sunday: Should they stay or should they leave?
Here’s a basic rundown of how each couple went, in no particular order:
Anthony and Nadia: Remember how Anthony was the endearing groom who looked so stoked to see Nadia walk down the aisle? Turns out Anthony's not that endearing after all. Talking about their marriage, Anthony was all "I'm just trying to steer this ship and as far as I'm concerned, Nadia is MINE". Meanwhile Nadia's face said it all, "Help me!" her eyes screamed at the psychologists, while her mouth said, “I really like hearing that". What kind of damn psychologists are you?! Help the poor woman out! They both decided to stay in the marriage. But Nadia’s eyes didn’t want to! Nadia, blink twice in next week’s commitment ceremony if you need help.
Sharon and Nick: Sharon was still annoyed Nick had consumed so much red wine at the first dinner party. Nick was all gooey-eyed like, “but babes you looked after me so well,” and Shazza was like “I’m not fucken doing that again”. They both decided to stay.
Susan and Sean: They’re perfect. Of course they decided to stay.
Alene and Simon: Alene still doesn’t love the hair. Simon doesn’t give a fuck, coz he loves his hair. Alene and Simon's hair decided to stay.
Michelle and Jesse: Jesse was busy giving Michelle puppy dog eyes, while she passive aggressively drew out her decision, making sure to prelude it with, "After a LOT of thought, I've decided to stay". Jesse, still in his schoolboy infatuation, didn't seem to realise that was a dig.
Andrew and Vanessa: Vanessa babbled about being extroverted while Andrew smiled nervously and clamped his jaw shut tighter. They both decided to stay.
John and Debbie: I mean it’s obvious right? These two can’t stand each other. John was like, “get me away from this gluten-free, crazy Polynesian-obsessed broad” and Deb, for some UNFATHOMABLE reason, was like “I want to stay and work at this”. DEBBIE. Run! Be free! Go seek your Polynesian!
Scarlett and Michael: Both opted to leave which was the one decision of the night that made the most sense. Michael decided to call the psychologist out on their quack method, and asked why they matched him with Scarlett. Psychologist John came out with some profound methodology: "It's not about what you want, but what you NEED," he earnestly told Michael. "What do I need?” Michael spat back. “It’s about your NEEDS," John cooed. Glad we sorted that one out.
Jonathan and Cheryl: We opened the episode with Jonathan talking about someone he texted the night before, pondering why they weren’t matched with him. “We’d have been cute as shit,” he poetically muttered. Cheryl found out about the exchange and she was FUMING. Who was the girl though!? Lol jk we all knew it was Scarlett. Cheryl, who had never felt so betrayed (and I daresay repalled) wanted to leave, while Jonathan for some psychotic reason wrote down “stay”. Cheryl was not having a bar of that however, and bailed the fuck out of there.
Monday: Moving in, surprise haircuts, and a match we NEVER saw coming (we did though, but that's fine.)
Let's hit the fast-forward button to the most ridiculous part of the episode. Cheryl returned to chat to psychologist John about a potential match. "I think Andrew and I are well suited," she said. John was like, "Ahh interesting, well I never thought about it, but now that I think about it, this makes PERFECT sense! I ENDORSE IT!" he yelled, as though the match of Andrew and Cheryl was going to save the world from all evil.
"I never thought I'd be married, then divorced, then going on a date so quickly," Cheryl said on her way to the date. What a sentiment. Andrew and Cheryl seemed to connect and talked a lot about being on the "same page" and having a lot in common, which I assume to mean newly "single" and coming out of sham marriages. Well, at least they understand that part of each other's lives.
Tuesday: "Jonesy! It's Jonesy! Jonesy's back! Hey Jonesy!"
I had barely recovered from the last dinner party when all of a sudden it was time for another one.
The couples got together for a casual drink before dinner, but everyone was kinda suspecting something was going down. Cut to dinner, and enter Andrew (hereby known as Jonesy) and Cheryl, the newly-formed couple.
Well... Shit. Went. Down.
Everyone was thrilled to see Jonesy back. As in, they said his name approximately 1369 times in excitement. The twins led the charge, shrieking "JONESSSSYYY" in his face at every given opportunity. "Jonesy is a very good friend of ours," one of the twins said, conveniently forgetting last week all three of them blanked on how they all knew each other.
While Jonesy received a warm welcome back, poor Cheryl was left to defend herself. "We just had a good connection! We both got the 'Salt and Pepa's' here joke!" Anthony, however, took it upon himself to grill her about her intentions. "Cheryl doesn't deserve a second chance," he viciously told the camera. Anthony seemed to be under some misguided thought that this is a competition he needs to win, and Cheryl had effectively cheated. He even referenced his marriage as a competition to which Nadia replied with more "help me" eyes to the camera.
The twins, under the impression that Jonesy is now their long-lost triplet, just wanted him to know they were protective of him and his feelings. Jonesy was all like "oi, stop cock-blocking me", and the twins grudgingly agreed to give Cheryl a chance. "We just want Jonesy to be happy, Jonesy deserves to be happy, Jonesy is a great guy, I think Jonesy was even in the womb with us at some stage," they said.
Sharon decided to let Jonesy off her leash long enough to find out her new husband used to like frequenting strip clubs. "I think Nick saw a different side of me," Sharon told the camera, commenting on her honesty approach to this situation, and not realising she came across like an angry drunk teenager. "You enjoy looking at naked chicks with their fannies and tits in front of you?” Sharon seethed, like totally cool with it, not that mad, just trying to be honest. Sharon seemed to conveniently forget that Nick's biggest pet peeve is cheaters, so her anger seems somewhat misplaced. "I'm married now, I have a wife, I wouldn't..." he desperately tried to explain, as she aggressively twisted her body away from him. And to think Sharon had the shits with Nick last week for drinking too much. ☺️
Meanwhile Anthony... well he was still going in on Cheryl. Because nothing screams "I'm secure in myself and my own relationship!!!" like a 33-year-old man, aggressively yelling at a 25-year-old woman. "You have to get it right. You'll look like a fucking idiot if you get it wrong," Anthony says, conveniently ignoring the fact he's the one that looks like a fucking idiot right now. "I do NOT want drama," Sharon yelled, inserting herself in the middle of it, and also forgetting she was literally having a fight with her husband five minutes ago in front of everyone. Nadia eventually pulled Anthony into line. "This isn't your journey," she said to him while he looked like a remorseful schoolboy. "I'll just crawl into the box I came out of," Anthony said. And all around the Australia, people vehemently nodded, as truer words had never been spoken.