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19 Ways To Definitely Look Like You've Got Your Shit Together


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1. Carry around a yoga mat.

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Yoga mats are hella light, and easy to carry. Plus, if you're carrying a yoga mat around, no one will judge you for buying three pints of ice cream.

3. Pair your cute activewear with a green smoothie.

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People will be blown away by how together you look, being so healthy on a Tuesday morning. REALITY: You're hungover AF and your "gym towel" is to mop up all the alcohol seeping out of your pores.


5. Fill your house / office cubicle with motivational posters.

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You don't have to read them. You just need to look like a positive person who knows that by "working hard, you'll truly succeed and achieve your dreams."

8. Tell people you love to garden.

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You don't ~ACTUALLY~ have to love gardening, just tell people you do! They'll think you're outdoorsy AND if you can care for things like plants or whatever, that definitely means you can care for yourself.


9. BONUS POINTS: Tell people you have a vegetable garden.

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"Eating things I've grown myself just makes me feel so much more lively!" You'll say, brushing Doritos crumbs off your shirt.

10. Keep a mug or recyclable coffee cup in view at the office.

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People will think you're super environmental when really you're too forgetful to EVER remember to bring that shit to a café .

12. Have opinions about grocery stores.

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"Oh I don't really shop there, I just prefer more organic options."

You don't have to tell anyone that "organic options" means pizza delivery.


13. Wear glasses.

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This is Craig, he doesn't need glasses but look how together he looks! No one would suspect he's using a stolen credit card to sign up to some crazy, freaky porn sites!

Great work, Craig!

14. And wear a LOT of white.

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Monica has never heard the term "lasagne splatters" because she's too busy appearing like she has her life in order in her pristine, stain-free outfit.


17. Always get photos in front of nice art.

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Put it on Instagram with a caption like, "some days all you need is a little inspiration from the masters." Da fuq does that even mean?! Who cares, people will think you're cultured AF.

18. Reference your "life coach".

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What the hell even is a life coach? Do they have a whistle? Who knows!?! But if you tell people you have one they'll think you're living your life to the absolute fullest.

19. And always act like Mary Poppins on crack

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Be the happiest person in the room. Be the happiest person in the whole damn country. NO REGRETS, LIFE IS GOOD, ASK NO FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS.