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Here's All The Drama That Went Down On This Week's "Married At First Sight"

You have your whole seat, but you only need the edge.

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Hey again. It's that time of the week where I get tied to my chair and can't leave until I watch every episode of Married At First Sight.

Sunday's episode: Commitment ceremonies and recaps of the week that was.

Something we've learned about the commitment ceremonies is that for most of it they just rehash what happened last week, which is really fun to watch! It's like when you're talking to your partner about what to have for dinner, and they say "whatever you want," and you say "I dunno hey," and then you just rehash the conversation until you both die. That's how fun it is.

The lowdown is: All the couples decided to stay together, but of course it didn’t go that smoothly.

Michelle kept talking about the lack of passion in her relationship with Jesse, and how everything "wasn't that great", while comparing herself to Sharon. The whole episode is geared up to make it look like Michelle will vote to leave, but of course she decides to stay, because who can give up the lure of trying to beat your own twin sister at marriage?

Our dear, sweet Susan shocked everyone, including the psychologists when she said her and Sean were just going to see how the "friendship" thing worked, due to the fact neither of them were able to give up their respective lifestyles for each other. Sean fought hard for Susan, and they both decided to stay another week. As soulmates. But soulmates that are friends. And friends who love each other. And sometimes kiss and probably do sex. But nothing confusing going on here, folks.

Simon had a sweet moment when he teared up saying his father would've loved to have met Alene, Andy and Vanessa seemed to be going swimmingly, everything was great in Nick and Sharon's world after "Strippergate", and despite the fact Cheryl repeatedly rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash after Andrew tried to kiss her, those two stuck together as well.

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Anthony was ever the charming gentleman in his chat with the psychologists and Nadia. "Nadia, were there any unexpected challenges that you had to confront?" a psychologist asked. "I'll answer that question for you," Anthony interrupted, before some bizarre rant about how his home would not be his home if Nadia moved in, and then he started shitting on about being a provider for a "family". Meanwhile Nadia stared at him like, "bitch I will never be moving in". "Anthony's serious about this, are you?" Psychologist John asked Nadia, as her eyes darted around the room, her tongue making clicking sounds as she tried to communicate in morse code. Nevertheless, they both decided to stay.

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Monday's episode: Michelle still can't find passion with Jesse, and Cheryl's dad is a nutcase.

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In unsurprising news, Anthony didn't love the fact that Nadia lives with her housemates. "It's a small environment, and we're basically on top of each other," said the dude previously complaining that he wasn't getting any. "It's always weird having someone in your own home, especially when you, yeah..." Nadia said, demonstrating the enviable communication skills her and Anthony have accumulated over time. She then took him shopping, visiting a clothes store she sometimes models for. "The owner gets photos of me in the stock, and she uploads it to Insta," Nadia said knowingly. "That's how people search for fashion." And here I thought Instagram was for stalking your crush's photos from 67 weeks ago.

Meanwhile, Michelle was still telling anyone who listened she was unsure about Jesse. "There's just no passion," she said to the tree outside her front house. "Mmm yeah," she muttered as the tree told her to stop comparing herself to her sister.

The twins' mum played a game with Nick and Jesse, which involved her asking weirdly sexual questions while the boys held up a paddle saying "yes" or "no". As Sharon and Nick gave each other love heart eyes over the table, Michelle tried not to gag every time she looked over at Jesse. She solved this problem by later taking him out to get spray-tanned (????), while Nick and Sharon revisited the spot they got married. I mean, that just says it all.

I never thought I'd say this, but the real drama in this episode was with Vanessa and Andy. Vanessa first took Andy to a family dinner, where he was quite charming and answered every question thrown his way. He didn't even whisper once!

Things later took a turn when they went out for a bike ride and Vanessa stated she needed "more" from Andy. "I need more playfulness, I need more interaction, I need more, more, more," she ranted, to a sullen Andy. "I thought I was doing really well, I don't know what the fuck I'm meant to say," he fired back. The gentle giant was MAD! And the whole exchange was done with the camera filming in some weird tunnel, while Andy and Vanessa were distant specks on the grass. A metaphor perhaps? Or some cameraman not doing his job right and about to get fired? I'll let you decide.

Back in Cheryl and Andrew's no-kissing world, Cheryl's dad gave Andrew an absolute spray. Like, I think a literal spray, because he was so mad his face went red and I swear I saw him spitting. First Cheryl's dad had a go at Andrew's stature, conveniently ignoring they were both a similar height. Then he pretended he actually liked douchey Trumpy Jonathan, Cheryl's first "husband". Then he GRILLED Andrew on his clothing choice (ratty grey shirt, so fair enough tbh), and made him change before he came back into the house. "I will find you, and I will KILL YOU," he screamed in his best Liam Neeson impression, as Andrew ran for the door. For some reason Andrew had a whole new outfit ready to go in the car... I'm not saying this is SUSPICIOUS, and fake drama at all, but it seems rather suspicious and fake.

Tuesday's episode: Unfortunately more of Cheryl's dad, Andrew spills all, and Sharon is NOT a bully you guys!

In Tuesday's episode we saw Andrew trying to "man up" and banter back with Cheryl's dad. After Cheryl's dad force-fed him alcohol (idk you guys, it was all very weird), Andrew started goading him. "What's it like to have smaller feet than your daughter?" he asked. Woooo sick burn Jonesy! Insult your wife while you're at it!

Nadia threw a dinner party for Anthony to meet her friends, where she went on a rant about why she's on the show. "I have options, it's not like I don't have options," she said. I too, have said that exact line, while standing in the supermarket aisle trying to decide between a packet of Maltesers or M&Ms (crispy of course, don't @ me your wrong opinions).

OK let's get to the good part of the week... the insane dinner party. Oh, and btw Jonesy decided to move out of his apartment with Cheryl before the dinner party started, so we knew shit was about to go down.

Sharon decided she'd get to know Cheryl because "Jonesy said I'd like her if I got to know her". FYI, Jonesy and the twins have now developed their friendship even more – in this episode it's revealed they've been friends for "at least seven years", so next week we'll probably learn that they were also primary school sweethearts.

While Cheryl tried to avoid talking too much about Jonesy and her father, across the other side of the room, Jonesy decided to spill all when it came to what happened... then promptly started to ignore Cheryl at the dinner party. Because that's what mature 38-year-old men do!

Moving on, Anthony decided to chuck in his two cents about Sean and Susan. He went on a highly educational and interesting rant about Sean being a horse man, and Susan not being a horse woman. "He's not a man, he's a horse man," Anthony wisely said. "End of story. Game over." So glad we cleared that one up.

Meanwhile Susan tried to apologise to Sharon and Michelle, for calling them bullies after last week's dinner party, where Sharon definitely kinda bullied Cheryl. Sharon was aghast at the fact Susan had actually been talking to her, and was all like "why would I be sorry? I was totally cool with Cheryl, definitely gave her a chance, totally didn't make her feel shitty or belittled". Sharon, showing how calm and how much she is NOT a bully, then screamed at Susan about being a "good person", conveniently ignoring the fact she had turned Susan's apology into a new argument. "I do come across abrupt sometimes, but it's because I FEEL so much," she said, the only emotion in her voice pure anger.

Jonesy then continued on his anti-Cheryl rant, telling Anthony of all people that he was now staying in a different apartment to Cheryl. Anthony's eyes lit up and he realised that maybe he still WILL win this marriage competition thing! Maybe he'll even win a new horse!

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