back to top

22 Times Australian Politics Made No Sense At All

From onions, to halal snack packs, to... grubs.

Posted on

1. When Tony Abbott ate an onion like it was no big fucking deal:

YouTube: news channel / youtube.com / Via ABC

2. And when he made winking very, very infamous:

Sky News / Via youtube.com

3. When Chris Pyne confused his grubs with his... swear words:

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

Did he say grub or cunt? You decide.

4. When Sam Dastyari took halal snack packs to the forefront:

10/10.

5. When Joe Hockey simply told people to "get a good job" that "pays good money" and they'll be able to own a home:

vine.co

God, he makes it sound so easy.

6. When Julie Bishop called Tanya Plibersek a bitch from across Parliament:

vine.co

7. When Joe Hockey decided to crash this important news segment:

Channel 7

8. When Barnaby Joyce said Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's dogs must "bugger off back to the States":

vine.co

9. And when it all ended in this strange, hostage-style apology:

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

10. When Glenn Lazarus basically said he wanted to stick his fingers up Tony Abbott's butt:

Basically Lazarus insinuated he'd use a "Hopoate tackle" on Abbott - named after former NRL player John Hopoate who decided on some occasions to stick his fingers up the butt of opposing players. Always keep it classy 'Straya.
Mick Tsikas / AAPIMAGE

Basically Lazarus insinuated he'd use a "Hopoate tackle" on Abbott - named after former NRL player John Hopoate who decided on some occasions to stick his fingers up the butt of opposing players. Always keep it classy 'Straya.

11. When Tony Abbott started grooming Scott Morrison in the middle of a press conference:

vine.co

12. When Hotline Bill emerged:

vine.co

That dad dancing.

13. When Tony Abbott cut loose on a boozy karaoke night:

"He had a few red wines, and sang heaps of songs," radio announcer Wes Heather said.
Facebook: WesOnTheRadio

"He had a few red wines, and sang heaps of songs," radio announcer Wes Heather said.

14. When Dennis Jensen released his fantasy war erotica titled "The Skywarriors", which ultimately resulted in his job loss:

The book included a sex scene which read like this: "Rono felt that he just had to relieve himself. He violently pulled Yasmine’s blouse buttons apart, completely ignoring her protests. Yasmine didn’t believe in wearing bras; in fact, she really didn’t need to, her breasts were still as firm as they had been in her late teens." Okie dokie.
amazon.com.au

The book included a sex scene which read like this:

"Rono felt that he just had to relieve himself. He violently pulled Yasmine’s blouse buttons apart, completely ignoring her protests. Yasmine didn’t believe in wearing bras; in fact, she really didn’t need to, her breasts were still as firm as they had been in her late teens."

Okie dokie.

15. When Bill Shorten iconically retaliated to Cory Bernardi with the line, "At least I'm not a homophobe mate":

vine.co

Go in.

16. When Clive Palmer sat in parliament casually counting his money:

Counting his money #auspol @abcnews @ABCNews24

That's $5 more than I have Clive, well done.

17. And when Clive's poetry got the national recognition it truly deserved:

18. When David Leyonhjelm changed the words of a Christmas carol to make it about tax:

vine.co

Ummm.

19. When Australia decided it was no biggie to name a swim centre after former PM Harold Holt... who drowned:

The Australian

An oldie but a goodie.

20. When news leaked that John Howard didn't believe in female ejaculation:

Former Prime Minister John Howard does not believe in… well I never https://t.co/w6FzvVP3cG

WHY???

21. When Australia's greatest drama series aired:

Oh wait, this was a real story.
ABC / Via abc.net.au

Oh wait, this was a real story.

22. And every time we think about the fact we've had five prime ministers in the last five years: