Missed Married At First Sight this week? Are you trying to tell me you were busy on BOTH Monday and Tuesday? Ok chill, just a question.
Monday night: Let's recap all of last week for no particular reason and show nothing new!!!
Monday night's episode gave us about 10 minutes of new information, with the other 40-odd minutes focused on going over the drama of last week's dinner party and every relationship so far.
The twins rehashed what good friends they were with *insert nasal tone here* "Joooonesy" and remembered all the good times with him. How they first met in the womb, how they held hands with him coming out of their mum's vagina, and the time they played mixed netball. All these factors make them experts on his match with Cheryl. And they don't like it.
In the commitment ceremony Simon grudgingly tried to tell Alene that he liked her, even after she held him hostage and cut off his most prized possession... his hair, that is. I don't know what you sick bastards were thinking. "I uh, yeah uh, I like spending time with you, and um, yeah it's good?" he said, plagiarising my speech at my boyfriend's 30th on the weekend. Simon, see you in court, sweaty.
After I had a short nap as they rehashed the same drama from last week AGAIN, Susan and Sean had their turn with the psychologists. They, too, talked about how inappropriate they found last week's dinner party (just for something different). Susan, with indignant tears in her eyes, found it disgusting how the others bullied Cheryl, while the camera kept cutting towards Anthony practicing his best shocked expression. Susan and Sean were like the parents who weren't mad, they were just disappointed, and fuck you just never meant to disappoint them.
Nadia was forced by the psychologists to admit her feelings for Anthony. As psychologist John held a gun to her head, Nadia elaborated for us. "Anthony has a routine and that's great!... Oh and he calls a spade a spade which I really like," she said for the 11th time, eyes darting around the room as she tried to find a fire exit.
Mainly all you needed to know is that all the couples decided to stay together. For better or for worse, as they say.
Tuesday's episode: There's no place like home, unless it's not yours.
Anthony is every customer service rep's worst nightmare. #9Married
Moving on to Vanessa and Andy's quiet-but-loud world, Andy's best mate was weirdly jealous and possessive over Andrew. "Who cleans?" he yelled, while Andy whispered, "we both do". "Well, we know that's A LIE," his best mate shouted while staring pointedly at Vanessa who was looking bewildered, but somehow didn't get wildly offended.
Anthony and Nadia's journey into his home life showed Anthony getting aggressive because his internet went down and he couldn't put on a bet and watch a few horse races. Nadia, now trying to beat down the door to get out, felt as though she was seeing "different sides" to Anthony, but still managed to keep that strange smile on her face. You know, the one that says, "I'm fine and happy I did this experiment!" while her eyes scream, "I'm being held against my will, please help me".
Over in Sean's farm world, Susan was not having a great time, and cracks began to show in our favourite couple. Over strawberry milkshakes, Susan sadly pondered if maybe it wasn't going to last after all, and Sean looked bloody devastated. WHY ISN'T LOVE EASIER?! WHY?!
And finally, to our favourite ~unmarried~ couple. Andrew decided to pull a huge ol' Jonesy move and sing Cheryl a song that he made up while she was in the shower. He then went in for the most AWKWARD kiss, which Cheryl reluctantly returned before saying, "I don't want to kiss you". Jonesy was majorly pissed off. "The twins wouldn't reject me like this," he inwardly fumed, as Cheryl shoved six pieces of chewing gum in her mouth and googled, "how much wine does it take to get blackout drunk so I forget everything about my life".
Stay tuned for THAT drama next week!
